Beautiful Boy

letter

nicolas sheff

I paced back and forth, and Michael lay on the pullout watching me.

I ran a trembling hand through my hair and pressed 'Call' for the seventh time.

Five rings. I heard the voicemail and almost threw my phone across the room.

The only person I could think of calling other than her was my Dad.

I pressed 'Call' again and prayed.

"Nic?" He answered.

"Thank god, Dad. I need help," I said.

"What? What's going on?" He asked.

"It's Amara. She read the letter and it upset her. I tried to stop her-"

"Where is she?" He questioned.

"I- I don't know," I replied.

"You don't know?"

"I don't know, Dad. I don't know what to do, I'm so worried about her-"

"And I understand that," he said, "As much as I love her as my own child, her sobriety is not your responsibility, Nic. It's her choice."

"Yeah, but-"

"Stay sober yourself, and when she shows up eventually, take care of her. If she's deciding to lose her sobriety, you can't control that," he said.

I wondered when he developed that view.

He was right. I hated him for it.

I still felt guilty. I felt like I should've done more.

I hated myself for complying with her request so easily.

"Nic?" He said.

"Yeah, sorry. You're right," I replied.

"I know that you love her, and you can show that by helping her, but remember that-"

"Her sobriety isn't my responsibility, got it. Bye," I hung up.

I sighed, all I could do was wait.

~

A painfully long hour passed before I heard sounds in the guest house.

I rushed downstairs to find Amara stumbling in under Elena's arm.

"Amara, thank god, are you okay?" I muttered, taking her into my arms.

"She's drunk, but she's okay, I think that if I hadn't run into her it might've ended badly," Elena replied.

"Thank you," I said to her, "Thank you so much."

"Of course. Does this happen a lot?" She asked. I realised that Amara hadn't told her about her addiction.

"Sort of," I replied, "I'm going to take her to bed. Thank you again."

"Let me know if you need anything," she smiled sadly.

She was a sweet girl, I liked that Amara had a good friend in uni.

I nodded.

I helped Amara up the stairs, taking it one at a time.

She fell into my arms again at the top.

"I'm sorry," she slurred.

"Don't apologise," I said, holding her delicately.

Eventually, she agreed to continue to the bedroom, using me as her balance.

I lifted her onto the bed and she wouldn't let go of my wrist.

"Stay," she pouted, "Please."

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised, "Do you have a headache?"