Beautiful Boy

old man

amara haven

I drove up to one of the view spots for the Golden Gate Bridge to clear my mind.

I'd told Nic I needed to think about it and he complied immediately.

The view spot was one of our favourite places to hang out.

I sat on the hood of my truck, tossing rocks aimlessly off of the cliff.

Would it be worth going to Los Angeles with him?

Or would I be better off going home?

I threw one of the rocks particularly hard, feeling anger wash over me.

Anger at everything.

My emotions overwhelmed me.

Everything that happened in the past few months was... otherworldly.

I threw the last rock in my hand and gave up on holding my emotions back.

I laid back on my truck and watched the clouds pass by, a few tears finding their way down my cheeks.

"Excuse me?"

I startle, sitting up and wiping my tears hurriedly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

I turned to see an older man, a car parked just behind him, he reminded me of my Dad.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"I'm not from around here, my daughter lives in Sausalito, but I somehow ended up here," he scratched his head.

"Oh, Sausalito is just 10 minutes down that way," I pointed to where I'd come from.

"Oh, goodness!" He laughed.

I smiled slightly, "So, where are you from?"

"I live in Anaheim," he said proudly.

"Oh, lovely," I said.

"And you?"

"Sausalito," I replied.

He smiled, "This must be a nice spot to have a few minutes away."

I nodded.

"Can I ask why you were crying?" He asked.

"I've had a rough few months," I sighed, admitting defeat.

"Oh, would you like to talk about it? I know from experience that it can be easier to speak to a stranger," he offered.

I sighed, contemplating it.

The man made me feel safe like my Dad had.

"Well," I searched for the right words.

Like a scavenger hunt, but for my sanity.

"Take your time, I don't have to be at my daughter's for a little while," he assured.

I told him about everything that had happened.

My best friend cutting me off, his Dad calling me, then my Dad dying, my Mum cheating on him, my best friend almost dying in New York, then about our fight and Los Angeles.

He nodded along, offering a 'Mhm' every time I paused.

When I'd finished, he thought for a moment.

"And how old are you, darling?" He asked.

"I'm eighteen, I'll be nineteen in November," I replied.

"That's a lot for a kid your age," he frowned, "Your friend, how old is he?"

"He just turned twenty in July," I said.

"Hm," he said, troubled by thought.

I almost laughed at how I'd just dumped all of my problems on a man forty years older than me who was simply looking for Sausalito.

"I think you should go with your friend," he said.

I hesitated.

"I know it's big," he nodded at my shock, "But it sounds like you really need each other."

I slowly nodded.

"It's up to you, remember that, but if it were me, I'd go. You can always get back here if you want to," he assured.

I hated to admit it, but he was right.

I didn't speak to Nic for two years and he almost died, I couldn't live with myself if it were to happen again.

I nodded, "You're right. I'm going to go."

"Glad I could help," he smiled, "My granddaughter is your age, actually!"

"Oh, is she?" I chuckled softly, "I might know her from school."

"Yes, that's what I was wondering, her name is Kate," he said.

"Oh, really? Kate Waliss?" I asked.

He nodded.

"She's one of my closest friends," I smiled.

"Oh, wonderful! I didn't catch your name," he said.

I jumped off the hood of my truck, "Amara."

He held his hand out, "William."

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome, Amara," he smiled.

I climbed into my truck and pulled away, waving as I left.

~

nicolas sheff

I took Daisy and Jasper to the park to distract myself from the nagging craving in my veins.

I sat on a bench, staring off into the abyss while they played.

It was supposed to help me focus on the present and not the drugs, but there I was, sitting and thinking about fucking drugs.

All the fucking time.

"Nic?"

I snapped my head up at the sound of Amara's voice.

My Amara.

And sure enough, there she was, standing in front of me.

I sat up, eager to hear why she was there.

She sat down next to me, our knees touching as she faced me.

"I want to come with you," she said.

My heart fluttered.

"Really? Like, you'll drive to Los Angeles with me and live with me and-"

"Yes, Nic, I'll do all of that," she chuckled, "But-"

I winced slightly, making her laugh again.

"But, I do need you to promise me one thing."

I nodded for her to continue.

"I need you to actually try, and listen to me, instead of ignoring me."

"I will, I promise, I want to stay sober, I need you to help me," I begged.

I knew I sounded desperate, but I didn't care.

All I wanted was her by my side.

She took one of my hands and simply smiled.

My chest tightened as she laid her head on my shoulder, watching Daisy and Jasper as they played a form of tag.

I kissed her head and rested my own against hers.

I didn't know why she forgave me, I knew I didn't deserve her.

I couldn't help but be a bit selfish, knowing that she needed me, but needing her more.

I just wished I could find the courage to tell her how I felt.

Maybe one day I would.