Beautiful Boy

a chance

nicolas sheff

It was a painfully long two hours I was stuck spending with Sarah.

I wanted Amara to stay with us, but when I turned to speak to her, she had run over to a guy.

It made my chest tighten, seeing how happy she was to see him.

I didn't know who it was, but they seemed close.

I'd finally managed to escape the annoying and non-stop chatter from Sarah, and I was on my way home.

I walked into the guest house and saw Amara with a book resting on her knees on the bed.

She looked up briefly to see who it was and returned to her book.

"Hey," I said.

Nothing.

"You okay?" I asked.

Still, nothing.

"I missed you, when I turned you were gone."

"I was gone?" She said coldly, not looking away from the paper.

I was a little shocked by her tone.

She was wearing the same tank top as earlier with shorts now, rather than her sweatpants, and her hair was a bit messy.

I wanted to see her face to try and read her better, but she wouldn't look at me.

I sat down at the desk and continued to watch her, trying to notice any body language that would hint if she was mad, anxious or sad.

Eventually, she looked up, "Stop staring at me, please."

Her eyes were a bit red and her cheeks were tear-stained.

"Mara, were you crying?" I asked.

"No," she muttered.

"Don't lie to me," I said.

"I'm just a little let down by you, Nic," she sighed, "But then again, it's my fault for always trusting you."

I knew she was hinting at what happened between us two years ago.

"I don't know exactly what I did, but I'm sorry," I offered.

"Whatever," she got up and left the room, leaving me stunned for a moment.

I still felt terrible about what I did, but I didn't do it to hurt her, I did it to protect her.

I realised that my stupid addiction was going to hold her back from her dreams, and I didn't want that.

I never really understood why she always put me as number one, I didn't deserve it.

She came back with a little box in her hand and a lighter.

"Amara, don't," I said, standing up to stop her.

"What do you care?" She asked.

"I do care," I replied, "A lot. Give me the box."

"No, fuck off," she snapped.

"Amara," I said softly, "What's wrong?"

"What's the deal with this Sarah girl?" She asked.

"What about her?" I questioned.

"She wants to go out with you sometime, she asked me to set you up. Oh, and she let me know that you're a sweetheart and a good kisser," she responded.

"A what?" I asked.

"Mhm, you heard me," she mocked Sarah by changing the tone of her voice and flicking her hair around.

"Amara, nothing happened with her, she's annoying as a motherfucker," I said.

She almost laughed, "Sure."

"What? You don't believe me?" I asked.

"I don't know who to believe, Nic," she said, "Now please, move out of my way."

"No," I muttered, "Why don't you believe me?"

"I don't feel like I know you anymore," she said quietly, "Ever since you started meth, you've been a different person. You hurt me two years ago, you hurt me again a month ago, you didn't tell me about your summer fling-"

"I didn't intend to hurt you two years ago, Amara," I promised.

She laughed, actually laughed.

I hesitated.

"I'm sorry," she said between giggles, "You just- are you serious?"

I nodded slowly, kind of annoyed by her behaviour.

"You are such an idiot. I mean, you let me down, then proceeded to tell me to shut up and not talk to you, and then you were ignorant for the rest of the year and you 'didn't intend to hurt me?' Really?" She said.

"I did it because I felt like you couldn't succeed if you kept putting me first," I defended.

"Yet here we are again," she muttered, shoving past me and dropping onto the bed.

She took a cigarette out of the box and lit it.

"Why are you so upset about this? So what if I had a little fling, which I absolutely didn't, but even if, what would it matter?" I asked, confused.

"It wouldn't, I just wish you'd have told me. You obviously talked about me to her," she replied.

"Do you think I would've talked about you, my girl best friend, if I was trying to hook up with her?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"Who was the guy you were with? You guys seemed close," I said.

"My cousin," she replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Ashton. And if you'd stuck around long enough, you would've seen that he has a boyfriend," she said.

"That was Ashton?" I asked.

He looked very different from the last time I saw him.

"Mhm," she nodded.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt you guys, but would you be into pizza tonight?" Vicki asked, appearing in the doorway.

"Sure," I said.

Amara nodded.

"Okay, probably around fifteen minutes," she smiled, and then shut the door.

"Look, Nic, I'm not interested in fighting with you again," Amara said.

"I don't want to fight with you either, Amara, I really, really don't," I agreed.

She hesitated, "Then it's settled."

"Good," I smiled, "And like I said earlier, I'm sorry if I hurt you today. If it makes you feel any better, I had to listen to Sarah's yapping for two hours and my god, I swear I could've drowned myself in the ocean."

She giggled and dropped her cigarette onto an ashtray I didn't notice was there, standing up.

"I'm sorry too, I overreacted a bit," she said.

I pulled her into my arms to seal the apology.

"I have to see Ashton again, though, he's changed so much," I insisted, moving to have an arm's length between us, I kept my hands on her elbows, holding her in place.

She nodded, "He has. And his boyfriend? Damn!"

I chuckled but felt a little jealous.

Jealous. She was jealous.

It made sense, I'd felt that way more than once with her.

I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her head.

For the first time in the nine years I'd known her, I felt like there might've been a chance she felt the same.

A/N
this is definitely not the best chapter ive written... but oh well its good enough
much love xx