Beautiful Boy

mars

amara haven

"Amara!" Leah ran up to me as I walked into the Starbucks.

"Hi," I muttered, hugging her.

"How are you? Are you okay?" She asked.

"I'm okay," I replied, "You?"

"I'm good," she said, "You weren't at school for the last few days, you weren't at the prom, and I haven't heard from you in like- two months, I thought you like died or something."

Typical Leah, being worried that I wasn't reaching out, but not checking in either.

It was one of the only things about her that bothered me.

She guided me to a table by the window, "I got you an iced chai. The line was insane when I got here."

I chuckled, "Thank you."

"So, what's life been like?" She asked.

"Well..." I pondered, wondering where to start, "My Dad died, that's why I wasn't at school. Then, after a rough month or so, I found out my Mum was cheating on him. Same night I got a call from Bellevue hospital in New York about Nic. He'd overdosed and I was the pinned contact on his phone. Long story short, I ended up in New York with his Dad and we got to the hospital only to be told that he'd left. David left to come back to San Fran and I was going to stay the night with my cousin, then Nic texted me his location and we spent the night talking in some random diner, then we ran into some of my friends at the airport and ended up flying home with them." I said in one breath.

Her eyes were wide, "Slow down, Amara, jeez. Okay so- god."

"Sorry," I sniggered, "A lot has happened."

"I don't talk to you for two months and I miss all of that?" She takes a deep breath, "Wow."

"Yeah, pretty much," I sipped my latte.

"Okay. I'm sorry about your Dad, and your Mum is a bitch," she started.

I nodded along.

"And is Nic okay? Like, that's a lot," she asked.

"Yeah, I mean, he's as good as he can be, I suppose," I responded.

"How do you feel about it all?" She queried, "Like, having him back and whatever."

"It's killing me, Leah," I admitted.

It was then that I realised I'd been ignoring my true feelings.

I was too blinded by my heart.

"How so, babes?" She asked.

"Everything," I sighed. "I mean, he hurt me so much and I don't think he understands that. But at the same time, I love him and I want to be there for him but I need him too, and I- I don't know."

"Yeah." Was all she said, "I don't really do the whole, like, feelings thing because of that."

I laughed, "What do you mean by the 'whole feelings thing?' Feelings aren't something you choose or choose not to have."

"I've just kind of turned them off, you know? I choose who I care about and ignore anything else," she explained as if it were easy.

I huffed, "I wish."

"I feel like I'm giving you dating advice but you, like, aren't dating, and like, I don't know anything about dating," she said.

I laughed, "Yeah, I guess in a way."

"You're not telling me something," she assumed.

"What?" I hesitated.

"There's something you want to say but you won't. Mars, I've known you for, like, a long time," she said, "I recognise things."