love, maybe? | 성훈 √

22 | i can't think of you

22 | "I knew that a part of me would always be his."

"I can't believe you were serious, Yeojin," Hair freshly washed and glasses slipped down her face, Yerin rubs her heavy eyes with her fingers. "What if we're wrong, Yeojin? What if Woong didn't do it?"

"It's been a week since she's kept that goddamn computer, and the one time she leaves it here, it's nowhere in plain sight?" Yeojin crosses her arms, ignoring her best friend. Hearing Yerin's groan finally causes her to turn, a dead look in her eyes. "Listen, it's not like we charged her with confrontation. All we're doing is confirming our suspicions. Why do we suddenly like her, anyway? I thought you were upset that she was charmed by your ex-boyfriend?"

"Not ex, still boyfriend," But Yerin didn't know if that was correct. "Also, I feel bad. We're snooping through her work and personal computer. It just doesn't feel right to me."

"She did you wrong, though. I get how you're feeling, but can't you be selfish? Only once?" Yeojin's question reminds Yerin of her current position: a fall-out with her boyfriend, a dying hope for work, and a suspicion, a 99% chance that it's true.

"Fine. Let's find it," Yerin gets on her knees, searching the cabinet under the desk. She shakes each handle, checking if it will open or not, and then searches its contents. When she reaches the fourth cabinet, she sees a noticeable red lock on the end. "Interesting," Yerin pulls on it, and voila, she forgot to unscramble the combination. "Here it is, Yeojin."

"Good job, my love," Yeojin takes it out of Yerin's hands, moving out of the way of her body before opening it up. The bright screen blinds the girls, causing them to wince before adjusting to the light. "Well, that's nice. She has a password on it. At least it's only a PIN," Turning to Yerin, who barely knows Woong, Yeojin stupidly asks, "Do you know any significant memory for Woong?"

Yerin purses her lips. "Choi Yeojin?"

"I'm just asking, in case you do. I at least know Woong's birthday," Yeojin puts in the four-digit code. It doesn't work. "Seriously? I thought all women did that. The birthday or the anniversary date was the easiest thing."

Yerin thinks for a moment, pointing at the keyboard a minute later. "Try birth year only."

Yeojin puts it in, clicking her tongue. Somehow, Yerin had the right guess, only because- "How did you know, Cha Yerin?"

"It was on her board," Her arm shifts upward, seeing the pink note with her laptop code on it. Yeojin's mouth becomes 'o' shaped, the girl disregarding her stupidity for a moment and entering the search engine. "I'm sorry to ask, Yerin, but I feel old for a second. How do I access the history again?"

"You can't be serious. Jongseong hasn't helped you with that?"

"He's as old as me in spirit. Do you think we do trial and error? No," Yeojin laughs. She moves the laptop in front of her slightly younger friend. Yerin sighs sarcastically, sitting in Woong's chair as she navigates through the web with two clicks on the keyboard. Yeojin watches intensely, eyes burning as they don't close from focus. Yerin continues to scroll and scroll until the sketchy website shows up.

"'Chocolate book bunnies for sale?'" Yerin quotes, clicking the website. She couldn't care less if Woong magically got a virus. There, the website holds hundreds of files full of weird viruses, one of which had the same file name as 'presentation.pdf.' Even if that wasn't the virus itself, Yerin knew Woong was caught red-handed. 

Yeojin looks down at her best friend. "So, what do you think? Should I turn it in to HR?"

"Up to you," Yerin didn't feel like being a crime buster. All she wanted was peace of mind and the confirmation of her suspicions. Getting up from the chair and closing the laptop, Yerin yawns. "It's over for me now. I don't want to throw Woong under the bus. If she wanted to be petty over a man, that's on her. She's not my problem anymore."

"I'll turn it in, then," Yeojin grabs the closed laptop. "I know you're always going to be the better person, but can't you be selfish for once? You let people off the hook all the time, especially at work. You have so much on your plate, but you let people pour more. Can't you look at yourself for once, looking yourself in the eye, and tell yourself to stop letting people get their ways with you?"

Yerin was silent, hesitating to say the words. "It's not that easy, you know," Biting her cheek after, Yerin lets out a light giggle. "You're like Sunghoon. He tells me not to say bad things about myself and to stop letting people take over my life. God, I can't stop thinking about him, about everything."

Yeojin hated seeing Yerin in distress. "Maybe you should talk to him."

"I don't know if he's thought through everything. Not like me, her mind made up the moment she saw him for the first time," Yerin replies. "I knew that a part of me would always be his. It would never depart, even if Sunghoon and I were never supposed to happen in the first place. I don't know if he felt the same. I don't know if he will ever be that vocal to tell me the same."

Communication was always the hard part for Yerin. How would she communicate her stress if people would stop her? She's learned all her life to endure it, even when she was young. Having someone like Sunghoon, who treated her like a person and not a machine, wouldn't leave her mind. He was forever her's, and secretly, Sunghoon felt the same.

Restless for a week, Sunghoon lays in his bed without her. There was one night they lay together, and it was the night Sunghoon refused to wake up. Without her lingering touch, he wasn't able to sleep. Knowing they were on the brink of breakup, Sunghoon didn't know how to manage. It was his fault, and he didn't know how to (realistically) make it up. Sure, flowers and chocolates were nice- but he was broke. No man working at an office with barely any overtime could afford such grand accommodations.

"God," He whispers as his limbs lay numb. Finally, his hands rustle through strands of hair. Was an apology enough? What else could he do? "I want to sleep, brain. Please let me sleep!"

As a result, the brain yells back in rebellion. The brain and the heart rebelled for Yerin to be back on his side.

But how?