We Don't Need Memories | SakuAtsu

Chapter Fifteen

"Omi-Omi, c'mon," Atsumu groaned, grabbing Kiyoomi's forearm in an attempt to pull him off the bed.

Kiyoomi shook his head, counterbalancing his weight by grabbing the headboard behind him. "Why?" Kiyoomi wined, attempting to pull Atsumu back. In the end, Kiyoomi was successful in pulling Atsumu back on top of him in a tight hug. Atsumu sighed in defeat, falling reluctantly into Kiyoomi's arms, and laid his head against his chest. "I wanna cuddle you all day."

Atsumu smiled into Kiyoomi's shirt, melting at the sound of Kiyoomi's sleepy voice. "Since when are you so cuddly, Omi?"

"Since now," Kiyoomi said, tightening his arms around Atsumu's frame. "So let me cuddle you more." Kiyoomi yawned and laid his head back against the pillow.

"Ugh, fine," Atsumu playfully rolled his eyes as he allowed himself to relax against Kiyoomi's body. "But then can we go?"

"Mhm," The curly-haired male hummed into Atsumu's hair as he kissed the top of the latter's head.

~~~

Atsumu's changing condition was the equivalent of a roller coaster ride.

Some days he would be walking on his own, and Kiyoomi would get the hope that maybe, just maybe, the doctors had been wrong about him dying.

But the next, Kiyoomi would realize the hope was false, and Atsumu would be so weak that he couldn't breathe on his own.

Kiyoomi knew how much Atsumu was fighting for these last few months, and it made Kiyoomi's heart wrench when he saw how much it destroyed the love of his life.

Even now, when Atsumu had finally found a moment to rest his aching body, Kiyoomi could see the pain in his lover's eyes with each quaking breath.

Silently holding his hand, Kiyoomi squeezed it lightly every time Atsumu stirred in his sleep.

"God, Atsu," Kiyoomi sighed as Atsumu stirred and let out a slight cry under his oxygen mask. Kiyoomi could feel his eyes welling with tears, but Kiyoomi had cried so much the past few weeks, that he couldn't tell if he had even stopped to start again. "You don't deserve any of this."

Kiyoomi rubbed circles on the back of Atsumu's hand before pulling it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles.

"I wish I had something I could do to make it all go away, baby," Kiyoomi was unfazed by the tear that fell down his cheek. "Something I could do to make the pain stop. I can't let you go yet."

Body full of ache, Kiyoomi hunched over and clenched a fistful of the sheets in his free hand. He sobbed into the much too-clean sheets, letting his body be overcome by the pain in his heart.

He was going to lose Atsumu.

But he didn't want to admit it to himself.

Kiyoomi bit down on the inside of his cheek, waiting for the taste of blood to fill his mouth before stopping. He felt horrible watching Atsumu in pain if he wasn't in at least some pain himself.

But he also knew that Atsumu would scold him if he know what he was doing.

Thinking of Atsumu again, Kiyoomi's sobs became louder as he continued to cry into the sheets.

Why? Why am I crying? He's still here with me.

But he's almost gone.

No. I can't lose him. Please.

He's only getting worse. Accept it.

Kiyoomi grabbed his hair in fists and placed his elbows on his thighs. His vision blurred as tears filled his weary eyes.

He was going to puke. Or pass out. Or both.

But he couldn't tell with how much his thoughts were fighting with each other. His fists curled tighter around his curled hair as he dug his fingernails into his scalp.

He clasped a hand over his mouth as a cry escaped his mouth. But that's when he felt fingertips brush lightly against his forearm.

Kiyoomi's eyes shot up at the touch. When his vision steadied, he met Atsumu's amber eyes, tears forming in his eyes are well. Atsumu did his best to lift a hand to Kiyoomi's cheek and wipe a tear away. Kiyoomi could see how much Atsumu's hand was shaking along with the small gesture.

"I'm so sorry, Atsumu," Kiyoomi cried. He watched as a tear fell from Atsumu's eye, sliding onto the clean pillow below him.

Atsumu did his best to gesture to the small area in the bed next to him, a way of begging Kiyoomi to crawl into the small bed with him.

Atsumu was scared, and Kiyoomi knew he was the only one who could make him feel better.

Kiyoomi allowed himself to stand up and wipe his tears before sliding into the small space next to Atsumu. Kiyoomi curled next to Atsumu, resting his head by Atsumu's neck.

Atsumu shakily put an arm around Kiyoomi's shoulder as Kiyoomi bunched part of the blanket on top of Atsumu in his fist.

Their favorite blanket.

It was already late in the evening when Atsumu had gestured for Kiyoomi to join him in bed, so Kiyoomi didn't find it hard to fall asleep in Atsumu's touch.

But even if his body was physically asleep, his mental state still prayed that this wasn't the last time he would be falling asleep alongside Atsumu.