We Don't Need Memories | SakuAtsu

Chapter Nineteen

"'Samu?"

"Yeah?" Osamu quickly answered Atsumu from his bedside.

Atsumu shifted in his hospital bed, trying to get more comfortable on the rough sheets. He pulled the blanket Kiyoomi had brought from home closer to his chest before speaking again.

"Could you... write a note for me? For Omi?" Atsumu asked. Osamu quickly nodded, already searching the room for a pen and paper.

Atsumu had finally come to terms with the fact that he was dying. But before he did, there was something he had to do.

And that was to give a proper goodbye to Kiyoomi. Tears had already begun to prick at his eyes as Osamu readied his pen and paper.

It would take him a while to put all of his thoughts into words, but he knew that Osamu would allow him to take as much time as he needed.

"Whenever you're ready," Osamu did his best to softly smile. "Tell me what to write and it's done."

Atsumu nodded, taking a shaky breath as he began to recite the goodbye he wished he would have never had to say.

~~~

Kiyoomi slowly unfolded the paper, his hands shaking with every movement. And even from the first few words, Kiyoomi realized that someone must have written the letter for Atsumu; the writing was much too neat to belong to Atsumu.

Kiyoomi,

I'm sorry.

I never wanted to leave you alone like this, but regardless of my wishes, I have been placed in a much different situation than I had hoped. If you are reading this, then it is safe to assume that I have passed, and once again, I'm sorry.

The tears on Kiyoomi's face were running down faster than before. Atsumu had nothing to be sorry about. He never would. Atsumu couldn't have changed the outcome of the events, and no matter how much Kiyoomi wished he had been able to as well, he knew in the end, that there was nothing he could have done either.

When they first diagnosed me, you were the first person that came to my mind. I was terrified that when you found out, you would leave.

But you didn't. And I couldn't love you more for that.

You held me while I cried without any intention of letting go. If you hadn't been there to be my lifeline, I'm positive I would have been gone much sooner.

Thank you, Omi, for taking care of me until it was too much. I admire you every day for how much you care about me and everyone else you know.

Kiyoomi's sobs were ugly as he read through the letter. His body was shaking, but he willed himself to take deep breaths as he continued to read on.

Please don't let my passing be a block in your life. I know it's hard, believe me I know. (Also, who could ever get over someone as amazing as me?)

Kiyoomi let out a laughing sob as he read the sectioned-off portion of the note. Even in his darkest hour, Atsumu was able to make a sarcastic comment.

But you are the strongest person I know, Omi. I want you to go through the rest of your life with your head held high. I want you to remember me, but I don't want you to dwell on me.

I want you to keep our memories together with you as you navigate through this world, and know that if the world were to turn on you, I'd still be there on your side.

I want you to live your life to the fullest you can. Find someone who loves you as much as I did. (although I'm not totally sure if that's possible, I love you a whole fucking lot, Omi)

I will always be at your side in spirit, rooting for you through whatever paths your life may take. Never forget that.

I love you more than words can fathom, Kiyoomi. And I will never stop loving you, even when we're separated. I'm honored to be called your soulmate, and even if we didn't get the "happily-ever-after" like the ones we read about as children, all of my memories with you were every dream come true I could have wished for.

The world is harsh, but once again, you are strong. You can do anything you put your mind to.

Until we meet again, Kiyoomi Sakusa.

With all of my love,

Atsumu

Kiyoomi tightly held the letter to his chest as he cried. He cried the tears he hadn't already.

The tears that explained his love for Atsumu better than words ever could.

The tears that told him he was as strong as Atsumu had insisted.

The tears showed him that he could get through this.

Kiyoomi tried not to crumple the letter in his hands as he placed it back down on the book. He slowly stood up, his body exhausted from crying.

But he made his way to the front of the house, pulling on a jacket and shoes as he slipped out the door, a single destination burned into his brain.

~~~

The trip to their spot was made in record time.

Kiyoomi pulled into the small field that Atsumu had shown him for the first time all those months ago. Climbing into the trunk, Kiyoomi opened the back door of the car, revealing the breathtaking view of downtown Osaka. The glistening of the sprinkled snow illuminated the plain around Kiyoomi.

Kiyoomi grabbed "their blanket" that had been packed with him and placed it around his shoulders. He took the fabric and slowly inhaled the scent. Atsumu's scent had faded over the past few weeks, but the comforting feeling of the blanket around him remained strong. He curled up against one side of the car, hugging the blanket tighter around his body.

As he looked out into the skyline of the city, Kiyoomi sighed a shaky breath. He shifted his gaze up to the stars. "I love you, Atsumu," Kiyoomi whispered to the sky. "I promise I'll never forget." Kiyoomi used his breath to warm his shaking hands as he continued to recite old memories, hoping that somewhere, Atsumu was reliving them in a happier state. And that thought was all Kiyoomi needed to slip into sleep peacefully that night, Atsumu appearing in Kiyoomi's dreams as he drifted off.

~~~

"Hey, Omi."

"Atsumu?" Kiyoomi felt his eyes well as Atsumu wrapped his once again muscular arms around Kiyoomi's neck. Kiyoomi hugged him back, burying his face in Atsumu's shoulder. "How-"

"Don't say anything, Omi. We don't need to relive memories here. Forget them, in fact. Just live with me in the present," Atsumu kissed each of Kiyoomi's tears away as he took Kiyoomi's hands in his own. "Follow me, we're free here."

Atsumu placed one last kiss against Kiyoomi's lips before leading him out into the rolling fields, the sun setting with their perfect skyline of Osaka behind them.