"My MaRiLyn..."

91.

Long drive, music and with the woman who loves me and her little friend,Kaiser.

Fresh breeze,nice scenery. It's a beautiful day today. We've been on the road for three days now just ready to reach our destination in California.

We're ready to attract something new which indeed feels so right to think about.

Ciara is leaning her head against the window enjoying the view as she accompanies Kaiser at the front seat. Kaiser is so focused driving. For a 19 year old,I've never really seen such a great driver.

I'm just ready to start a new life with Ciara and be a great man for her and just be there,you know? I want to make her happy and she has proven to me that love is a commitment.

She jumped right in a fire I caused when I didn't even expect her to. She is an Angel,my Angel.

As I think about a great life Ciara and I will lead together,I think about the cons of it. Will she endure what life with me will throw at her?

Will I be able to change myself and not hurt her?

What if I get too attached and become the man I left back there in that neighbourhood? What if she leaves me when she can't keep up with me? I have done so many dark stuff,it's hard to think of a better day.

Why am I even feeling happy about starting something new? I can't do this,not with Ciara. Not with anybody else.

I can't be given another chance to live this life if I'll have to relapse to all the bad habits of mine that have turned to demons that torment me. I don't want to hurt Ciara.

I don't want to hurt anybody else anymore. Despite her proving her love for me,I just want to end it. Mother would be happy that I die after all. I killed her son. She will be happy if I just end my life and go to hell If that's where I'm going.

I don't want to be a burden to an Angel whose shown me nothing but love.

See you in the other side Ciara. I'm not going to make it to the promised land you thought I was going to live with you.

I'm ready to die.

I'm ready to rest in whoever's bosom till the day of judgment. Just know that I care for you Ciara Darkens. My Angel in human form.