TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 33 - Butterflies

Y/N'S POV

What the fuck did i just do?
Why did i do it?
Why was i so impulsive?

She looks at me, with so much pain in her eyes, before running away.
I hurt her terribly and i didn't want to get to that, the situation got out of hand for both of us.

I was so mean with her, when she was right, only because when something hurts me i get angry with everyone, even those who don't deserve it.

The news of my father devastated me and i got pissed of with her when she had done nothing but wait for me for more than an hour in the cold.
I kissed Hailee and for some strange reason this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Wow...t-that's was unexpected" Hailee tells me, waking me up from my thoughts.
""I'm sorry i don't-"
"Hey no it's okay, i mean it was unexpected but i liked it" she softly smiles at me.

And now? I can't tell her that i didn't really want to, that it was a mistake.
Hailee is a fantastic person and she didn't deserve to be in the middle of this situation.

"Listen Lee, i'm so sorry, but it was too impulsive of me, i-here i did it without thinking about it, i don't want to mean it was bad because you are fantastic, indeed you are perfect, but you see i don't-"

"Hey okay, you're overspeaking, nothing happened okay? Let's just take our time, no rush, is that okay for you?" she reassures me by gently caressing my arm, i nod and she smiles at me.
"Do you mind if i go get some air out?"
"No, don't worry, do you want me to keep you company?" she asks
"Uhm, actually i'd prefer be alone for a while" i say, lowering my head
"Hey don't worry, i'm not offended, if you need something, even just to talk, you know where to find me" she leaves me a kiss on the cheek and then joins his colleagues.

She's really amazing, we bond immediately and i feel good with her.
I feel a beautiful connection between us but my head does nothing but think about another person, because no matter what, my connection with Lizzie is too strong, it surpasses that with any other person.

I need to talk with her.

But where could she have gone?
I decide to go and check if she's in her room.
I arrive in front of her door but when i knock no one answers.
"Liz please, if you're in there open me up, i just want to talk"
But nothing, maybe she's not there.
I decide to go back to the party, i look for Scarlett and when i find her i join her.
I walk near Cassie who has been flirting with Chris Evans all night.  
At least her night is going well.
"Hey Scar"
"Hey hone-wow you are gorgeous" she says hugging me
"You too Scar"
"Come on don't make me blush, so tell me what you need sweetie?"
"Uhm, did you see Lizzie? I can't find her" her expression changes and becomes serious.
"No i'm sorry, but listen y/n, i wanted to tell you-" "Sorry Scar, do you mind if we talk next time? I urgently need to find Lizzie" i interrupt.
"Oh uhm yes sure" i run away looking at every inch of that room but without seeing her emerald green eyes anywhere.
I have only one place to look.
I take my phone and go to our chat, i press on the position she gave me before and i walk at the point indicated on the screen.
As i get closer i hear someone crying and sobbing. My stomach tightens as i get close and a lump in my stomach lurks in me when i see her sitting on a wall crying desperately.

My God, what have i done to her?

I approach slowly, without making a noise, but accidentally  i step on dry leaves that attracting her attention, she quickly wipes her tears so as not to be seen in that condition, but when she raises her head and realizes that it's me her expression fall into the void.
"What are you doing here?" she says coldly
"I was looking for you"
"How did you find me?" my skin shivers not only from the grades out here but also from the tone she is using with me.
"I always know where you are Liz"
"Well you found me, now you can leave"
"Please, i just want to talk to yo-"
"I'm not going to talk to you, much less if you're  drunk" she interrupts me
"I'm not drunk, i mean yes i drunk something but what happened before...i exaggerated, but i have a reason i swear, let me explain" i say going close to her, i try to touch her but she moves away.
"Hey it's me, please don't do that, it hurts me to know you don't trust me" i say with a lump in my throat
"After what you did? How could i trust you?" she says without looking me in the eyes
"Liz you're right, but at least let me explain"she looks at me, without saying anything, but i understand from her silence that she has given me the consent to speak.
I sit next to her and begin to tell her everything.
"You see ... well after you wrote to me i received a call from my sister-" i stop for a moment to look at her and i see that she's careful listening to me.
I take a deep breath and then continue
"She told me that my father has officially decided to start the process that would lead to unplugging my mother, it should start after Christmas, my sister and i obviously would oppose it and for this the timing will be a bit long, but if they decide to listen to him, which is probable as he's a highly respected doctor, there would be nothing more for my mother to do" my eyes fill with tears like barrels.
"Y / n ..."
"Wait, i'm not done" i say interrupting her
"I know this is no excuse for how i behaved with you, you didn't  that but i was in a moment of pain, anger and fear and that little bit of alcohol made the situation worse"
"Why didn't you come to me?" she asks me
"I don't know, Hailee was there with me and i'll be honest with you Liz, i feel good with her and she was helpful before, she was the first person i had in front of me to trust, but i swear you, she could never replace you, no one could ever replace you. The value you have for me is too important.
I'm sorry to have made you suffer but i swear to you baby, that for no reason in the world would i ever make you suffer on purpose, i just acted impulse without thinking about the consequences"