Closets Or Not| j.sims+c.johnson

Chapter 7

Jakes POV

"Watch it faggots!" Casey hisses and I spin to look at him. The gay couple that walks by apologizes. I stop and I seem to be the only one who heard him.

"What did you say?" I ask and he turns around with a shrug.

"I called the faggots. That's what they are." He then walks for a few paces and turns back.

"Why do you care?" He asks and I look down. I look at my hands and he asks again.

"Are you one too?" He asks and I still don't answer. My hands shake and his eyes rage.

"You are! Your a fucking faggot!" His voice is hard and loud. All the boys who had made their way in front of us have now stopped. They look at us. I don't look at them. I glance once and then take off down the street. My feet run fast and I don't look back at them.

I'm going to have I move back home. I'm gunna have to go back to- oh no. Not. Anything but that. I can't do that. I'm gunna be kicked out of the band. My old friends won't taken me back if they find out I'm gay. I mean I'm not. Am I? My life is so messed up.

I go to the park across town and walk along the bridge that's just past it. My breathing was erratics me my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do. I turned to see if I saw any of the boys but I didn't so I sighed.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask ad I pull my sleeves up. I look at the jagged marks that run across my arms every which way. I feel tests rise in my eyes. It's gunna start again. I know it is. I close my eyes tight and also my grip on arm filled with scars.

I then grip the railing on the bridge and I feel my pulse rise. My hands are sweating ad my eyes are closed.

I push my hands off the edge ad walk faster down the side walk. I seem to be going back to the flat. But I don't want to go there. I then see a gas station. I stop and turn to go in.

The bell rigs as I go in. I see the cash register look up and I smile. I look around and soon find a small pokey knife. I grab the red one. For two reasons. That's one for the color of blood. And the color of Casey's mic. My hands shook as I placed it on the counter.

"You okay mate?" The cashier asks and I nod. He nods and I give him the money. I tell him to keep the change. I walk out and look up. I can see the flat from here and I sigh. I gulp and I begin to panic. What if they kick me out?

I open the door to the flat and set my key down. Then I sigh as I see my hands shaking. I look up and see no one and my pulse again rises. Are they home? I sure hope not. I go up to my room and see that is empty. But I can hear people yelling, maybe, coming from the recording room. I sigh and tell myself that I need to make this quick.

I open the door and walk in. The room is trashed and I'm surprised that my stuff isn't all over. Maybe he didn't want to touch my stuff because he was so disgusted. I didn't feel good and all I wanted was for this to be over. I sure hoped that this was a dream.

I throw my stuff quickly into a bag. My hands are sweaty as I look around the room. There seems to be no trace of me anymore. I sigh and finally grab my jacket. I then grab paper from the table before I leave. I write a quick note.

Dear Boys,
I'm sorry. I really am. But I can't help what I am. I love you all as brothers and I know your all disgusted with me right now. And I'm just saying that I'm leaving so don't worry about me messing everything up. I'm sorry and goodbye.
Jake

I dot write my name the way I usually do but I just write it. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I catch it. I look around the room once more. I'm gunna miss this.

I'm gonna miss the boys. I'm gunna miss singing. I'm gunna miss begin happy. I gunna miss having the illusion of love in my life. I'm gunna miss these boys. They're my family. They're my brothers.

I'm gonna miss Charlie, the baby. Although he's the baby he's taller than me. But he's my partner in crime. All the pictures we printed of ourselves.

I'm gunna miss Reece. The blondie always made me laugh. He played guitar as if he'd been playing forever.

I'm gunna miss James. That boys got a great voice and even if the band doesn't go anywhere he'll make it as a performer. That kids always got something to say. So sassy too.

I'm gunna miss Tom. That old man. Well that's what I call him. He's great at writing songs. And the most mature one for sure.

I'm gonna miss Barclay. He's tall and dark. But he's also a good that can have a good time. His yodels are great and always made me laugh.

I'm gunna miss Chris. I'm gunna miss the smile he has. The one where his face just lights up. He's a good mate and I love him. He's a great guy to have a laugh with.

And I'm gunna miss Casey. So may be responsible for my leaving but. I despite that I love him. He's perfect and I can't figure out why. Although he's homophobic I think he's amazing. I'm gunna miss him. Weather he's gunna miss me or not.

Goodbye

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A/N

I'm crying because of this!!! I'm such a bad person!! Crying!!!

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