Closets Or Not| j.sims+c.johnson

Chapter 35

Jakes POV

I just stood there in shock. I couldn't move or breath. I just stared at him. I then shifted my gaze to the floor away from him. I opened my mouth.

"I-I'm sorry I-I didn't th-think that anyone was- I. Sorry." I grabbed for the door handle again but couldn't find it. I spun around to find it but someone grabbed my waist. I could feel Casey's breath on the back of my neck and I was nervous. I had not clue what was gunna happen. I didn't know what state of mind he was in.

"Jake- I. I'm sorry. Please don't leave." His voice was broken too. Both his voice and his words surprised me. It was my fault he was in the hospital. He had Post Dramatic Stress Disorder( PDSD) due to my trying to kill myself. I would think that he would hate me for doing this to him.

"Why are you sorry. I'm the one who did this if I hadn't-"

"Jake this isn't your fault." He cut me off and I look up at him he has tears in his eyes. I blink for a moment and look at him oddly.

"Casey I'm sorry I snapped at you. I really am. I mean I know your- I know it was hard for you to see me like that. I owned you more than- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." I stop talking as I feel I am rambling as always. I always do that. Really I never stop talking. I hear Casey sigh and I glance up. Then quickly look down.

"Jake it's not your fault. If I hadn't- it was my fault that you tried to kill yourself. And I guess I deserve this." He now whispers and his words make my heart rate to pick up. No it- he didn't deserve this. Not at all. God this is all my fault. He's a mess. It's all my fault.

Nice going fuck up

Shut up

I shoot my gaze to see tears leaking from Casey's eyes which are screwed shut. I take a shaking hand and place it in his hair. He loved having his hair playing with. He doesn't open his eyes and I almost sigh but I know that will upset him so I don't.

"Casey- you don't deserve this. Your perfect-"

"No-"

"Shut up." I say as I cut him off. I feel as if I should look down at him but I can't do that cause he's so much taller. So as he looks down our eyes almost meet.

"Your perfect. I love you. I love everything about you. Listen me trying to kill myself is not your fault. I- I haven't been ok for a long time. I want you to know that I'm ok now. And it's because of you. Your not worthless. Oh and that stupid voice in your voice in your head telling your that you are. It's wrong. I love you. The boys do. Your siblings and your parents. The fans. Everyone. Your important." He chuckles drying then looks at my eyes.

"What?" I ask as I scrunch my noes up. He shakes his head and grabs the hand if mine that isn't in his.

"Your talk as if your alright. That you've gone threw recovery." He says and twists my hand. Not enough to hurt but enough to intrigue me.

"Some people try to fix others because they can't fix themselves."

********

"Jake?!" I look up to see no one but to have heard Barclays voice. I throw my phone in my back pocket and rush down stairs. What if its Casey? Oh boys please don't be.

"What is it B?" I ask loudly as I come in the room.

"Can I talk to you about-"

"Ellie?" I ask with a smirk. He blushes and looks down. He runs a hand throw his hair. I nod and sit down next to him. His hands are shaking.

"What is it?" I ask and he opens his mouth but doesn't say a word. Just stares at his folded hands.

"Well I really like her- I just feel like there's something she's not telling me." He says and I feel bad. I knew she hadn't him about her past and self harm. I also felt bad cause he my brother and I know how sensitive he is. But I can't tell him.

"Mate I don't think she is." Lie.

"But if she is. Then she'll tell you when she feel ready. I love you mate. And I love her. But this is your problems. I have enough in my relationship" I almost whisper the last sentence to myself but he chuckles. He nods and looks at me with a smirk.

"How are you and Case?" he asks and I shrug.

"It's hard. I'm- yeah and he's got PDSD cause of me and I keep telling him it's not his fault-"

"But it is, isn't it?" he asks and I shake my head. Then I look up and fold my hands like his.

"No. What's going on with me. Is a result of my past. Which I haven't told him about yet. But I need to soon." I whisper and he nods in understand meant. Both of what I said and that I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

We sit for a while in silence. Nothing coming fine anywhere. Why is odd considering how many people there are. Then Chaz comes in and stops dead in his tracks. Both Barclay and I look at him.

"What is it Chaz?" Barclay asks him and I see him nervously gulp. He wipes his hands on his jeans and look at me.

"There a guys here for you. Says his name is Jason."

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A/N

Anyone remember Jason? If not go back and re-read chapter 15. Ps I'm so so so so sorry for not updating I'm dyeing my hair so yeah that's what been going on.

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