A chapter of how I feel on my third day sober.
Tw: addiction
Gray
When I use the world becomes more colorful.
I loved this sense that life is brighter than it once was, it shines like it never has, but the colors start to lose their luster.
I decided to stop yesterday, the list of reasons is a stack of books that stands taller than I do.
Since then I have been filled with gray.
I have exhausted my brain's systems and I'm seeing in black and white.
Nothing fills me up, I'm in a fog I can't quite see out of.
I am numb to most experiences, I am a shell of what I once was.
I have spent most of my day staring at the ceiling because nothing else sounds fulfilling.
I miss living in extremes, I miss the bright yellows and blues.
I miss the sleepless nights and time spent alone.
I miss passing out on my bedroom floor.
But I don't miss what it brought and how it left me.
I have been sucked dry, but I assure you I won't be again.
This year
I spent a vast majority of sixteen being intoxicated.
I knew how to function despite it and pretend to be sober when I was not.
I am almost seventeen, and I want to live authentically and happily,
Those things are not possible when I'm too drunk to think clearly.
I want to be different.
I have sucked my dopamine systems dry, spent most of my day staring at the ceiling, but it won't always be like that.
Life won't always be gray
YOU ARE READING
Candlelit midnights
PoetryA poetry book written during a darker time in my life, covering topics like addiction and relapse along with happy and romantic moments. Although the original title was different I choose this title to represent how writing was a light in the dark...
