A chapter inspired by the songs "fear" by currency joys.
Wandering
When I was in my addiction and blind I had direction in a way I only experienced in the fog.
I didn't know a lot, but I knew I wanted to be high, so I sought after those sources of warmth and rarely deviated or turned down an opportunity.
It was all I thought about, it is all I think about still.
But recently I've come to realize this is not the person I want to be, I will not continue life steadily and I will die if I continue.
So I am making strides to live a different life, and there I will one day be.
It's at this point I am entirely directionless, I know where I want to be, but how I will bite my hand for long enough to see the light at the edge of the woods I don't know.
I have depleted my natural resources, my happiness has been drained out of me and thrown into the chase.
I haven't been this hollow before, I didn't think I ever would be.
I am always waiting for the thing that will fill me but I am yet to find it sober.
Aching I look for ways to fill the hole in my chest, but it is far too deep to be anything but a sense of hurting.
Waiting for the rain to cease
I have unknowingly taught myself to only find happiness in my addiction.
I led myself to see it as my only source of comfort and joy.
It was the only candle I used to light up the dark, and now I must look elsewhere.
I have to relearn how to be human, how to live a life I am content with while sober.
I am in the rainy woods tonight, it is cold and dark, I ache.
I don't know how long I will spend lost in the forest until I see a grassy meadow, but I will find one.
YOU ARE READING
Candlelit midnights
PoetryA poetry book written during a darker time in my life, covering topics like addiction and relapse along with happy and romantic moments. Although the original title was different I choose this title to represent how writing was a light in the dark...
