The Threesome (Harley Quinn X Male Reader X Poison Ivy)

There's No Place to Go but Down

At the Gotham Courthouse, Harley, Ivy and (Y/N) are cuffed.

Harley: This is bullshit- (pointing around) This is a kangaroo court

Two Face: No way! We got a real judge and everything. Hey, Judge, get in here!

Bane walks in wearing Judge robes and hair-wig thingy.

Bane: All rise for me.

He sits down on the Judge's stand.

Poison Ivy: Bane's the judge

Bane: I promise you'll get a fair shake. I am unbiased.

Two Face: Well, he's actually telling the truth, which is really annoying, so I took it upon myself to provide you with Gotham's top litigator.

Man-Bat walks in before taking a seat besides them.

Poison Ivy: Oh, we're so fucked.

Harley: Let's not judge a lawyer by the fact he's a bat.

(Y/N): (to Two Face) Remind me again why we're in court when there's literally a war going on outside, plus didn't the president get rid of Gotham as a city?

Two Face: Hey we may be sovereign, but we're still good ol' American citizens.

Bane: The defendants are charged with the murder of Oswald Cobblepot and (mumbles) other stuff. Counselor Man-Bat. How do your clients plead?

Harley whispers to Man-Bat.

Man-Bat: (getting up; shrieking) Not Guilty!

Harley: Yeah, we're fucked.

~Timeskip~

As the court goes on a penguin goon is now testifying.

Goon: And then, she bit The Penguin's nose off.

Two Face: (slowly as everyone gasps) She bit The Penguin's nose off. (shaking his head) Mm, mm, mm. (to the goon) Is Harley Quinn who definitely did that in the courtroom today?

Goon: (pointing at Harley) Yeah, that's Harley Quinn.

Man-Bat: (Shrieking) Objection! Leading and inflamatory.

Bane: Does anyone speak bat? I want to sustain or overrule, but it's indecipherable.

Two Face: For my last witness, I call... Both Poison Ivy and (Y/N)!

Bane: Ooh, and they're friends. This is going to be saucy.

Two Face: Yeah.

Harley: Guys, blame it all on me, okay? You two've had my back no matter what stupid messes I've gotten myself into. For once, let me be the one who does something for you two. You have a whole life ahead of you, (to Ivy) I mean, you're engaged, (to (Y/N)) I've hurt you so many times, let me take the bullet.

Ivy: But we're a team.

(Y/N): Meh, what's the worst they could do? try to kill us?

Harley: guys, please, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you went down for me.

The two walk over to the stand with Ivy sitting on the chair and (Y/N) leaning besides it.

Two Face: (to Ivy) You hate people, is that correct?

Ivy: Yes.

Two Face: (to (Y/N)) And you, are Harley's ex boyfriend, which ended with her cheating on you, is that correct?

(Y/N): As correct as the undead granny side of your body.

Two Face: (snarkly; to Ivy) But you don't hate Harley Quinn, (to (Y/N) and you're still in love with her. You two partnered with her, your only friend and helped her plan and execute the murder of the Injustice League.