The Threesome (Harley Quinn X Male Reader X Poison Ivy)

Batman's Back, Man

In a basement, two men sit down watching HBO MAX.

Ian: For the last time, dude, get the fuck out of here with the "Gandalf could just fly over Middle-earth and drop the ring into the fires of Mount Doom from atop an eagle" bullshit! (showing the LOTR subreddit) I've clearly laid it out on a LOTR subreddit. (to Brian) What do you want to watch?

Brian: We could watch Harley Quinn.

Ian: No!

Brian: Have you seen the show?

Ian: Oh, God, no! It's just another heavy-handed female empowerment story, where the true villain is the quote-unquote "patriarchy." So basic.

Brian: Yeah, I guess.

Ian: I heard Harley takes down Joker at the end of season one! I'm sorry, but "cucked" isn't a great color on the greatest villain of all time.

Brian: That's what this review says. Hey, you wrote this one.

Ian: I can't believe you want to watch this show. You know, they just did a three-episode arc, where Harley beats Penguin, Riddler and Mr. Freeze, using nothing but her Mary Sue powers!

Brian: Are you sure you haven't seen the show?

Ian: Yeah! 'Cause I'm not a 12-year old girl. Also, dude, why would I watch a show that's set in Gotham City, but Batman's barely in it?

Brian: You watched all five seasons of Gotham.

Ian: Because it wasn't a fucking tsunami of virtue signaling.

Brian: (picking up the controller) Here, smart guy. Let's see what this week's episode of Harley Quinn is about. "Harley Quinn and her best friend, Poison Ivy..." See? "...aren't in this episode, which focuses on Batman waking from his coma and vowing to take back Gotham City." Fuck! Fine! But if it sucks, we're watching Family Guy.

~Timeskip~

A hairy Bruce wakes up from his coma. He takes off the sheet before turning to the side.

Bruce: (in pain) Okay. (he tries to walk, but falls on top of a dresser, moving over to the window, he moves the curtains to reveal a perfectly fine Gotham, only for him to reach out and tear down a painting and reveals a more mixed between destroyed and rebuilt Gotham) Alfred!

He falls back and Alfred walks in with Bruce's conveniently made breakfast.

Alfred: It's not as bad as it looks. Why don't you come back to bed? I've made you a cup of honey tea and pigs in blankets.

Bruce: I don't want pigs in a blanket. I want to fight crime.

Selina walks into the room with in her arms Damien.

Selina: Not in this condition, no papa, el minute que te vea fuera base te jodistes. (nope, the minute I see you out of base, you're fucked.)

Damien: Yeah, dad, you're basically a snail, you'll just hold us back.

Alfred: Let's get you back to bed, Master Bruce. You need your rest.

Alfred puts the tray with the food on a nightstand besides the bed, he then helps Bruce onto the bed.

Bruce: I've rested enough. Gotham needs Batman.

Alfred: And it will get him, once he's made a full physical recovery.

Selina: In the time you were in a coma, 312 new television shows came out.

Alfred: What say we do a family binge week?

Bruce: Get me Jim Gordon.

Alfred: We needn't bother Mr. Gordon. He's making sure law and order are returned to the city.