Veiled Affection

Chapter Nineteen

Cate and I had been careful from the very start. Cautious not to leave any tracks or show any signs that would lead to suspicion. Since the time that our secret fling took off, there hadn't been a moment in which I doubted our ability to keep it just that: a secret. Sure there had been times were we found ourselves to be in a tight spot, but looking back, it couldn't possibly have led to anyone drawing a truthful conclusion.

That is why, when he said what he said, I fell utterly silent. We both did. But whereas I looked stupefied, he gazed at me, observed me with interest, awaiting my response. I couldn't give him anything in that moment. Seconds long I just blankly stared at him while my mind was running overtime:

For how long did he know? How long has he been keeping this fact to himself? What does he expect me to say? And most prominently: how does he know? I tried to recall all those times in which he might have found out, and the most bizarre theories came to mind.

''You thought I didn't know?'' He started. ''That I didn't know you were fucking someone else? And look at you know, trying to puzzle out how I can possibly know. Well let me tell you, you're a well writer, June, but you would make a terrible actress. You should have asked for some tips from your dear friend.''

I felt horrible in that moment. His belittling words made me want to disappear. He made me feel ashamed, sick to my stomach, and angry, also. He didn't give me the chance to reply before he continued stubbornly.

''Here you are sympathizing with me because you made a difficult decision. Well boo fucking hoo you want to divorce. Let me tell you, so do I!''

Silence. And then, the doorbell rang.

''Christ, at this hour.'' Gregory muttered irritated and stood up. He walked over to the door and I followed behind. And then he opened the door, and over his shoulder I saw her face.

''Cate,'' He said. ''What are you doing here?''

His tone was common again. No raised voice and no anger behind his words. I saw Cate's eyes shift from Gregory to me, then back at him. She looked surprised, not having expected Gregory to be home. Meanwhile I was taken by surprised at her arrival, and I felt especially tense after the commotion that happened seconds ago.

''Oh,'' Cate started. ''I just now decided to stop by, that's all.''

''I hate to tell you, but now is not a good time.'' Gregory said curtly.

''Oh,'' She repeated. ''Okay.''

There was so much emotion felt in that moment. Too much to describe, really. Cate looked at me for a second or two, and then it was the rigorous closing of the door that broke off our eye contact. As soon as he closed the door he turned around and looked at me, and I didn't know what he was going to say or do. But what I could have possibly predicted, it would have never ended up matching what he actually said next.

''So tell me, June,'' He continued calmly. ''Who is it you are fucking?''

I was stumped once again.

__________

It was midnight when I finally lay in bed. Gregory was downstairs, sleeping on the couch in the living room. For two full hours we talked - and it could hardly be called a conversation - before we decided to call it a night. By now I have repressed those two hours from my memory, but I do know it was just us, spurting out words at each other. He was angry with me, and I was agitated at him. Annoyed with the way he talked to me, bothered by his attitude, and upset with his temperament: was this what it took to thaw his dull demeanor?

I answered some of his questions, but managed not to answer others, and certainly not the most prominent one: 'who is it you are fucking?' The moment he said those words, and I realized he knew only so little of the truth, I tried leaning into that. And so he went to sleep by knowing I most certainly cheated on him, but without the knowledge of it happening more than once, and it was still ongoing, and that it was with Cate.

As I lay in bed, I finally had the chance to check up on my phone, and I saw the missed calls she left me. They were all timed after she was ushered away from our house. I decided to call her back, and to my great relieve she picked up.

''Hi,'' She said.

''Hi.''

''What was that about?''

I couldn't help but smile at her straightforwardness. And then came the explaining. I told her about the moment before she rang the doorbell and what all happened after she left.

''You married a moron.'' She concluded after I finished my talk.

''He married a cheater.''

''Fair enough.'' She said. ''What are you willing to share with him?''

''The bare minimum. Nothing more. So far he didn't extend his questions and I doubt he will. I figure he will go on about who it is I was having sex with, but I can manage.''

''So you are really not going to tell him about me?''

''I don't plan on it, no.''

''I see...'' She said and paused. ''What I don't understand is how he found out.''

''Something with me not being a good actress.''

''Ah, there you have it. Rookie mistake.''

''Shut up,'' I said and smiled. ''You should have taught me.''

''Considering you still intend to keep things a secret, I say it is never too late.''

''I will give it some thought.''

''You do that. Right now can I do something for you? Are you in need of wine or sex?'' She asked, ridiculing her own decay.

''I am good right now.''

I shortly thought about the time that awaited me. The start was made and I had put the wheel in motion. Indeed a lot different as I had in mind, but I was going to divorce, and that was certain.

''Do you have any words of advice?'' I asked, and despite the casual tone in which I said it, I felt anxious.

''I am telling you, wine and sex does the trick.''

I couldn't help but laugh, and then I heard her exhale deeply.

''Just breath and it will be over as soon as you know. I promise.''

''I take it from you.''

''Good.'' She said. ''Now get some sleep.''

''Of course, I won't wake you again.''

''Wake me anytime. Goodnight darling.''

''Goodnight.''