Veiled Affection

Chapter Thirty four

Something did explode that day. Figuratively speaking, that is. But it didn't happen until well into the afternoon.

I was dragged along that day to a conference about the film. When we arrived at the venue, and everybody we came with got to work getting ready, I was being led into a hall full of chairs, and got assigned a seat. I then waited, and waited, and slowly people tickled into the building and took a seat. Reporters, it seemed, as well as photographers and general audience. We all faced a podium at the front of the hall, where a long desk stood with empty chairs behind it, in front of every chair a nameplate. I was close enough to just being able to spot hers right in the middle of the table.

It was when the place was filled with people, and the background music dialed down, that everybody became silent. A general interviewer came on stage with his general pitch, and he sat on the far corner of the table. He named every producer and actor present, and they all came out on stage one by one. The audience clapped with every name mentioned, and it seemed her name received the most cheer.

She came on stage and I heard the woman next to me lean in and mutter: ''I wonder how many needles have went into that face.''

She looked at me, then down at my belly.

''How many months already?'' She asked.

''Three.''

She smiled.

''I am giving it up for adoption.''

''Oh -''

She leaned back and averted my gaze, and I didn't have to hear her snarl at all throughout the interview.

It mustn't be so I bore myself out with describing this setting, but I am getting to the point here, you see? Some patience.

So the interview. It took a while, I must say. There was a question asked by the interviewer, an answer given by one of the producers or actors, and such was the pattern during that next hour.

Every time when Cate got to speaking, I smiled a little. I was so in awe of the way she spoke and the words she said that I couldn't suppress my delight. I reveled in it: seeing Cate 'the actress' doing her job.

And then it turned sour from there on out, because what a timing my third devilish thought of that day had made.

The initial cause was in one of the things that Cate said. About halfway in of the conference, in answer of a question about her recent divorce, she made it clear she wasn't here to explain the matter. She said something sensible, I imagine, some words that were just the right amount to satisfy the people in the audience, and then came upon this:

''...But it is, in the end, how things can play out. It is just a part of my life. Just as now, I have come here to discuss the film. So please, let us get back to that.''

The conversation about the film was brought up again, and everybody did proceed to listen with intent. But I didn't.

My wicked thought? She was a chapter in my book, and I was merely a line in hers.

Now I am aware of the absolute ideocracy that I thought this. But to me in that moment, it all added up fast.

Like she said, this was a part of her life, acting, and all that went with it. And all that went with it seemed so grand all of a sudden: she has traveled innumerably and has met countless people. And then apart from acting, her world once again seemed so immense: she has seen and been through so many things. She has acting and her children and her ex-husband and her this and her that and in this vast heap, also me. I am part of the great puzzle. And what other part did I have, besides her? A few books to my name?