People.

one

I can't glue the pieces of ash to make them an ice. But no one never told me that. Losing me is better than letting it all slip from my hands. I've kept, honestly, nothing, so before I'll fall, let me dive in everything I didn't have. Let me give Her a smile and act in front of myself, that this is what I always wanted, She raised the curtain up and I saw that I was walking blind throughout a good half of my life.

Irony is ironic for a reason. I'm letting fractions of happiness into my heart because of someone who'll never know me and soon space will stand between us. She made me believe, that not everything end like my memories.

They have been saying that it's just the way it is, that a human needs another humans, that's nature... But the person I was, like, yesterday, didn't. The person I am is still into a thought that I don't need spoken words. But in one was right. Maybe I just wanted to extinguish the flame burning somewhere my eyes follow.

Some time ago someone said to me that this is my writing, and I should not feel bad about setting it free. This person will probably never know, how much his words meant to me, but it was heart-warming, hearing it from a someone, who normally doesn't even notice my presence.

I saw the flower, but I couldn't feel it. I wrote a love poem about something I never knew. If hate and love could became one word, I would use it too often. We were just two kids, lost in the world.

I don't know how to comfort people. I don't know how to talk to human creatures. I don't have any siblings. I always was alone.

Till it come back, I can stand right here.

I look at my this person while my eyes are running over the classroom. Inner, I laugh my head off. How could I stand for everything, thinking that these precious eyes will be my answer? I probably needed to have unrealistic dream that will never come true, something, or maybe I should say, someone, who'll never feel it back, someone, whose world I'll never enter. The time I can wait for, but it won't come, I always knew that. Guess we all need an illusion somedays. Rainbow is so colorful, but grey is also one of them. I hear a voice calling me inside, whispering "stay alive" to my heart, soul and will. I am falling apart, but it's completely okay, maybe, if I i say it another thousand times, I'll believe it, truly. I was looking for my spring day, but this winter in me has the last day that lasts for ages. It feels like I always was like that.

But they don't know me. I don't either. My eyes are terrified of the maze in the mirror. If I still have a heart... It's in pain. But the gold is so far away and I can't lay down until I got it. Who am I.

Missing someone who never saw anything else than everyone around did is not a poem, it's a litter written with tears. The flame is still burning me inside and I deeply, plainly feel the blood, rushing throughout my veins, I'll crash into billions of pieces, I'll fall from the cloud nine, from the sky, and I won't know how to stand back up. Like one of those nights, crying over something I never had. Jealousy I didn't have a right to, the morning I enter with tiredness and without any will to stay. I push thought, I pray for brighter days, but I can only wait, till something will change. I believe it will... Right?

I tell you, write that down: don't fall in love just because someone is kind to you, meanwhile being handsome/beautiful and having the most precious eyes you've ever seen. I made this mistake.

And last but not least, sometimes the one you love looks good with someone else. That's just life, babe.

***
I hate how people fight about the silliest things you can imagine, and they call themselves "mature". I'll tell you, what maturity is - smiling at someone who hurt you and being kind for them, like nothing ever happened. It is keeping your head up, even though your pride has scars. It is treating the person like always, as if there was never any tears.

Even when they are not fair to you, be fair to them.

I get annoyed when one's so good in pretending that you're important for them. Their words speak for them. Some act so well that you have no chance to see the truth. You won't know, you can just hold these pieces of happiness in your heart, to remind about them, when it hurts too strongly. When a person becomes a sun in your life, you have two paths. They'll either leave you a piece of heart, of break yours. But you're not the one who chose. May be there a time, when you will quietly thank them for both.

I was laying on the floor, with legs on my bed, looking at the celling, again, praying so that this would be taken away from me at so many evenings... But I got strength. Pain is just another part of human's existence. When you get so addicted to someone and your mood is depending on how they treat you, run away, although you want to stay and drown deep inside. At that moment you won't know if it's worth it. You never know, when a word you told a person at your lowest, looking for a safe place to fall, will be used against you.

Things that I will not speak out loud, let me break my heart with it. I'm almost an adult girl, I can ruin myself on my own.

Yes, I've changed, glad you noticed. Pain sometimes does that to people.