People.

nine

Everyday is blurting into one big galaxy and I don't like that. May this place, always so lonely, once day become filled out with some light?

He's sitting next to me. I don't have a reason to feel that way, do I?

I am aware of his flaws, but the more I try to get over my feelings, I see something unique in the simplest actions and details in Jake. The way he's focused on the drawing, as he was escaping into another world. How he's trying to make everyone involved and to make every person feel heard. An angel.

I had another dream, that made me questioning a lot. Is it really about Jake, or I just want to find my one and only right now?

I open my eyes to a beautiful painting, that hangs above the desk. I look around; on the bed I see a little puppy. A parrot is staring at me curiously between these light blue walls.

The painting shows some daffodils and a butterfly. I recognize, that's Jacob's art. I've noticed, how differently he, Rose and Michelle draw, and Jake tries to make it all seem very three-dimensional. The flowers are as true, as the water on their petals, and the butterfly looks like it'll fly away, if someone moves even a bit.

- Maybe say something, babe. - Jake smiles slightly, standing by my side. - What's going in your head?

- I may already told you this, but butterflies scare me - I say without any filter. He tries not to laugh, but he does it anyway.

- You've told it, but it always sound hilarious, sorry. But it's okay, I don't like turkeys, for example. I don't trust them. By the way, what's your favorite flower?

- Lilly of the valley and forget-me-not. Anemones are also nice. - I say,

- Cool. Forget-me-not has an amazing name, like it was a temple of memories. - he stands quite philosophically.

- Once I've heard these are the stars, that hold memories and stories of people. - I answer with a smile.

Is it about Jacob or my desire to be loved? How am I going to love myself, if I can't believe that anyone can see me the way his dream-self does?

I pray for this feeling to slip away into memories. I need to find beauty in myself, before any boy can. I need to deal with my shadow.

I think I know, what I need to do.