Am I Crazy?

Insecure

Minho

"Fuck!" I screamed when I got to my room throwing my stuff on the floor.

Why am I so insecure? Why couldn't I have just acted normal and not avoided him. I can't imagine what he must be thinking now especially after what happened in class.

Sometimes I let my parent's beliefs get to me and I listen to my friends, even letting some random boy suck my off in the bathroom. Thats what I hated most, every time my parents bring up meeting some new girl and trying to force marriage on me, I become numb and just want to forget everything,

Me and my friends will either drink our problems away or fuck whoever we wanted to just for fun.

I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but at the same time I brought it upon myself, I do these things no one makes me do them. Sometimes I even like it.

I was ready for the world to see that I had feelings for Jisung that's why I kissed him. I wanted him to know that I didn't care about what people thought or what my friends would think. I wanted to show him that the world wasn't against him.

I just proved all that wrong.

My dumbass can't let me be happy, I can't let myself be in peace.

Jisung over hearing everything in class and me avoiding him, he must hate me. I would hate me too; he deserves so much better. 

I guess we all have our issues, right?

I just didn't know Jisung's ran so much deeper.

"So, son how was school today?" My father asked me over dinner. "Oh, uh it was fine, passed all my tests." I replied. "Honey that's great news! Looks like you're fitting right back in again. I'm sure your friends are thrilled to have you back." My stepmother smiled.

I just sat there playing with my food, pretty much zoning everything out. I heard snippets of my father's conversation with mom about work and the company. My father was getting closer to acquiring Lotte, but Han Corporation was still hanging on.

"Make sure to be on your best behavior tomorrow and wear something nice dear." My stepmother said. "Yeah, sure mom." I replied softly. "Now son this girl you're meeting is the daughter of one of our shareholders so don't fuck this up." My father said grimly.

"May I be excused?" I asked not waiting for an answer.

I shoved my chair in and went back up to my room and slammed my door shut.

I threw myself on the bed grabbing my phone only to realize I never got Jisung's number. Damn it. I knew if I asked Chan or one of the others, they would find a way to get it for me but then yet again I don't dare ask them.

Let's see how badly I can fuck this meeting up tomorrow.

Jisung... I'm sorry.