Am I Crazy?

Forgive and forget

Jisung

It already feels like I've been here forever, and I just want to die already.

And then I see him.

One of my main reasons for coming here was because of him, but my heart still beats for him. I remember that day as it was just yesterday... 

"Minhoe! So, I heard some guy sucked you in the bathroom the other day." Chan chuckled hitting Minho on the arm. "Ooh do tell!" Hyunjin chimed in. "And why would I tell you motherfuckers. But it felt so fucking good." Minho smirked.

I felt like I was nothing like I was invisible to him. I always ask the same questions.

Am I not attractive? Not likeable?

Does no one want to be near me?

Does no one want to be my friend?

And so, on the questions go over and over in my mind.

But what hurts the worst was him looking at me like he wanted me to hear each and every single fucking word.

"Come on guys, I'm sure... someone will find him attractive..." Minho grinned. "Fuck I doubt it." Chan said.

But now standing here face to face with him I'm confused and conflicted. My mind says one thing, but my heart wants another. Can he give me some real believable truthful explanation or will he come up with some lame excuse.

"Jisung." Minho said quietly. "H-hi Minho." I replied in a whisper.  "Can we talk?"

I nodded my head and led him to a spot where we could sit down.

" Hyunjin told me he saw you here and his sister was quite the talker and told him a little bit about you and Hyunjin told me." Minho started. "That's Sana for you she's sweet." I replied. "I had no idea about you and what you've gone through." "No one does."

We sat there side by side the cool breeze ruffling Minho's hair and watching him try to figure out his next words. I could tell he was struggling his face showed it all.

"I know my issues don't compare to yours, but after that day in the library I was told I was pretty much getting married after I graduate to some girl and being prepped to learn the family business." Minho started. I stared at him silently just listening to what he has to say, I don't want to assume anything, and I want to keep a level head.

"I don't regret kissing you, that day was the most comfortable I've felt with myself in god knows how long. My parents don't know I'm gay and I've been too scared to come out to them. They always try to set me up, but I always found same lame excuse to get out of it but this time I couldn't. And usually when that shit happens ill either go to my friends and we will drink or like you heard us talking that day I'll just find some random person to get off on."

Minho paused for a minute and turned to look at me, his eyes getting teary, and I can see the guilt and shame written all over his face. I want to believe him and just start over but how can I trust he won't hurt me again?

Thats the question, isn't it?

"Hyunjin came to me a few days ago and told me about your situation and the state you were in and all I wanted to do was come and find you. He told me how long you've actually been here and the time when you were here after your mother's death. That's why I don't remember seeing you at all or recognized you."

I studied him carefully before I spoke. "I wish I could say those were my darkest times of my life, but every day is like that. You don't know how afraid I am to go home every day after school. Being here in this place believe it or not is where I'm happiest." I began. "In here I can be myself and not have to worry when I'll get beaten or abused. Sana has always been a cheerful part of my life in here and also my best friend I met in here years ago."

Minho reached over and placed his hand on mine, and I didn't even hesitate to move my hand, it felt nice having his warm hand over mine it felt comforting.

"Jisung, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for how I treated you and I'm sorry for my asshole friends sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with them. But I also know they've been there for me in my times of trouble, and they comfort me, and they don't push me on my sexuality." Minho said.

I can understand where he is coming from, but I just don't understand why he can't put a stop to their bullying. If anything were to happen between us, I don't want to be kept some secret from his friends, I don't want to have him be ashamed of me.

I watched him stand up and move in front of me holding his hands out I place mine in his and he pulls me up. Our faces just inches from each other he reaches up and cups my face gently caressing my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I know what you're thinking, and I honestly don't care what my friends think of me and who I want to be with. My parents are the only ones that I have issues with, and I hope you can at least understand that. I like you Jisung, I like you a lot and seeing you here right now I wish I could have done things differently. I hate seeing you like this." Minho quietly said.

We stood there for what seemed like forever and honestly, I can understand him, but can he prove to his friends that he doesn't care what they think?

I could hear Hyunjin calling Minho in the distance but right here right now it was just us and no one could get in between us. Minho leaning in closer his lips met with mine and it was like nothing else mattered and knowing Hyunjin was near by watching this whole scene unfold.

Minho wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer and my arms found their way around his neck. The kiss was sweet and gentle just how it should be, trying to savor each moment.

When we pulled away Minho had tears rolling down his cheeks and I gently wiped them away and smiled at him. "I like you too Minho, a lot."

Minho smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around me in a hug burying his face into my shoulders and crying softly. "I-I'm sorry for everything, I was such an a-asshole, and I was insecure."

We stood there in each other's arms for minutes and it felt good, wishing it could be like this forever.

"Hey Min, we should probably get going." Hyunjin said walking over to us. We pulled away and Minho wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt and turned towards Hyunjin. "Jisung, I just want you to know Minho cares about you a lot and he may be dumb, but he never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry for always standing by and never doing anything about Chan and Changbin bullying you. I always felt sick inside and it was wrong of them." Hyunjin mumbled.

Hyunjin walked over to me and gave me a small hug and pulled away, I always knew he wasn't as bad as the others, but it still hurt to know he just stood by and did nothing. But he just saw me and Minho kissing, and he didn't say or do anything about it and made no snide remarks.

I guess you could say it was a start.

We said our goodbyes and the boys were on their way watching them go with a smile on my face.

"So that's the crush huh?" Turning around I saw Felix giggling like a little schoolgirl. "Good taste by the way. The tall one though well... he is hot. Tell me about him?" Felix smiled. "Hmmm he was an accessory to bullying. But he's not bad." I chuckled slightly.