Not Fine at All (Luke Hemmings a.u.)

Chapter 23

LUCEY'S POV

"Do they have like, different brands or something?" I asked as we strolled into the local drugstore.

"What?" Kelsey asked absently, scanning the cheap makeup along the side walk.

"The pregnancy tests. I've never bought one before."

"Really? You've never had a scare before?"

"Not exactly," I muttered quietly, a pang of sorrow hitting me in the gut like a freight train.

"Wow," Kelsey laughed. "Your high school years must've been a breeze."

I forced a laugh and tugged the sleeves of my jacket down over my hands. Autumn was rapidly approaching and the temperature had been dropping significantly over the past few days. Perfect weather for pregnancy testing, right?

"Well, here they are in all their glory," Kelsey announced, dramatically waving an arm in front of her at the boxes of odd little sticks. Glamorous.

I managed a nervous half-smile as I let my fingertips glide across the front of all of them. They were adorned with link and baby blue designs, innocent flowers and swirls that tricked the young adult consumer into thinking that having an unwanted child so early really couldn't be that bad. Right.

That's not to say that a child right now wouldn't be wanted; I'd always been one for children. It's just that, Luke and I were just starting to try things out again and the last conversation I needed to have with him was one about a baby. That was a topic that could stand to wait a few more years.

Finally, after scanning the products for close to ten minutes, I grabbed one off the shelf and flipped it over. There were all kinds of instructions and disclaimers littering the backside, but I didn't really expect anything different. Since all of the pregnancy tests looked the same to be, this one seemed to be acceptable as any other. I showed it to Kelsey and she shrugged.

"Just as good as any," she agree, and we made our way to the front of the store. I mentally prayed that I didn't know anyone here because I wasn't ready to handle a collection of questions and rumors right now. I kept my head down and made eye contact with as few people as possible before reaching the checkout register.

The pimply, just-hit-puberty teen working the register acknowledged me with a kind but somewhat judgemental smile. One glance at the box I sat on the counter, and his acne-infested face flushed red with embarrassment. Despite my nerves at the moment, I almost rolled my eyes at his awkwardness.

"Um, that'll be $22.15," he stuttered anxiously. My eyes widened.

"That'll be what?" I whispered, appalled at the price.

"Sorry, lady. I don't make the prices. In just telling you wants on my screen."

Kelsey nudged me in the side and nodded toward the cashier. "They all cost that much," she muttered.

Still in slight shock, I pulled $30 out of my purse and coughed it up to the kid. Without saying a word, he bagged my test and handed me back my change, immediately pretending to look busy afterwards as I made my way back out to Kelsey's car.

The ride home was pretty quiet to say the least. No one had much to say, but then again, what do you say to someone facing a potential unwanted pregnancy? I stared out the window in silence and pondered my future.

I was certainly unfit to be a mother, especially at this age and given the circumstances concerning the last year of my life. And what would Luke say? Would he even want it? Would he even want me? Of course, I wasn't going to have an abortion, both because of my beliefs and because I felt I owed the world a baby after I wasn't good enough to protect the last one.

We pulled in the driveway, and Kelsey gave me a sympathetic look. "Do you want me to walk you in?"

I sighed heavily. "No, it's alright. Luke might not even be home, and if he is, I'm sure he won't notice me smuggling this in. Thanks though."

"No problem, Lucy. Just call me if you need anything else. And... Let me know how things turn out."

I didn't have the energy to reply, so I just nodded meekly and waved her off. The walk to the front door seemed long, and I had the familiar feeling of nausea in my stomach again. Part of me was dying to know so that I could get it out of my mind, but part of me wanted to put it off until the morning when I was more capable of handling the outcome. Wearily, I opened the front door which never seemed to be locked and was immediately greeted by Calum.

"Where have you been? You weren't here when we got back and we were worried sick! And who's car was that dropping you off? What's in the bag?"

I pinched my eyes shut and mentally counted to five to keep from snapping at his rapid-fire interrogation. "Relax, Cal! I was out of tampons so I called Kelsey to come take me to the store, that's all."

"Kelsey was here?"

"Yeah. I mean, I could've walked there myself but I was cramping and needed girl time anyways. I hope that's alright."

My lie seemed to be working. The thought of PMS usually brought any male led conversation to a screeching halt.

"Um, yeah. Totally cool. I guess I'll let you go, like, use them or whatever."

I rolled my eyes dramatically. "Thanks for you permission."

I chuckled to myself as I wondered back to my room, almost forgetting the task at hand. Suddenly, I was jerked back to reality as two strong arms wrapped around me from behind and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Period, huh?" Luke's husky voice whispered over my shoulder.

"Yeah, it sucks," I muttered.

"I bet. Especially since now I can't follow through with what I had planned for tonight." He spun me around to face him.

"And what exactly was that?" I asked tiredly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I guess you'll have to stay tuned until next week," he smirked before kissing me on the forehead and disappearing into the bedroom.

I groaned at the irony of the situation and pinched the bridge of my nose. An ominous feeling sunk into my gut. Glancing cautiously down the hall, I made sure there were no witnesses as I ducked inside the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I turned on the shower so as to not be suspicious, and I carefully opened the box that seemingly held my fate. Painful memories flashed through my mind.

The instructions seemed pretty simple, and I followed them to the last detail. Nervously, I stared at the test lying face down on the counter, waiting way longer than necessary. Finally, with a deep breath and a shaky hand, I reached for the small object. A tear rolled down my cheek as I slowly flipped it over to reveal whatever was awaiting me.

Here goes nothing.