Not Fine at All (Luke Hemmings a.u.)

Chapter 11

LUKE'S POV

I was the first out of the two of us to wake up for the second time in a row, and I had spent the last hour brushing my fingers through Lucey's hair and replaying the events of earlier in my mind. 

She was so strong to have endured what she had. There was no way I ever would have made it through something that awful, never in a million years. However, while I admired her for her for her strength, at the same time, I pitied her for her weakness. Was I the reason she had tolerated that abuse for so long? Had I treated her so poorly that it's what she came to expect? No, it wasn't me. It couldn't have been me. I gave her the love and respect she deserved and never did anything to hurt her. Matt had totally warped her view of what a healthy relationship should look like.

I looked down at her petite body curled up against mine and silently wondered how anyone could ever bring harm to something so innocent and angelic. It seemed impossible. She nuzzled closer into me and I felt her nose graze my collarbone, sending a shiver down my spine. Lucey had been back for less than a month and she already had this great of an effect on me. Was it really safe for me to invest so much in her already? I mean, she had left me once before. Was it too soon to open my heart up to her, just to risk getting it shattered all over again? Maybe we should take this a little slower, until I could put my full trust in her again.

My hand in her hair ceased its movement and I used my other arm to prop myself up. Lucey stirred in her sleep and I watched as her eyes fluttered open. At first, she seemed disoriented by her surroundings, but soon recovered and smiled sleepily up at me.

"Good morning," she murmured, voice thick with sleep.

"Morning," I returned warily, suddenly feeling cautious of my actions.

"Something the matter?" she asked, sitting up and adjusting her shirt that had ridden up slightly during out nap.

"No," I said simply.

I brought my hand up to rub the back of my neck as I glanced nervously around my room. It was wrong of her to come in here and invade my space, especially after she had been the one who had chosen to abadon us in the first place. I had finally got back into a head space where I felt like I would be okay without her, and it was a huge lapse in judgement for me to ask her to stay with me. I should have been more guarded. 

"Are you sure? You're being rather short with me," she giggled, poking at my cheek and brining me back to reality. 

I was growing annoyed by her prodding and found by self becoming callous.

"Yes. I'm fine, Lucey, but I think you should go."

"Go? What do you mean?" She looked hurt.

Could she really expect me to let her stay? It was bad enough that Calum had brought her to our house at all. I never had the chance to smack him upside the head about that. 

"I mean that you should get out of my bed, and out of my room. Things are going too fast for me. I'm just not ready for this yet."

"Oh," she said quietly. "I thought things were getting better..."

"Well, you thought wrong," I hissed harshly as I climbed out of bed. Lucey lied there, staring at me with a look of disbelief on her face. I could see the faint glisten of tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Luke," she whispered, and it was all I could do not to break down and apologize for the way I was acting.

Realizing that I intended no reply, Lucey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sniffled. Unable to bear the sight of her crying, I turned away from her and didn't turn back around until I was sure she had left the room. I felt pretty guilty about the way I had acted, but there was no taking it back, so I did my best to shrug it off. Sure it was rude of me, but maybe now she would understand the way she made me feel.