Not Fine at All (Luke Hemmings a.u.)

Chapter 13

LUKE'S POV

At first, I was completely calm. Indifferent. I had seen what was happening, but my mind had not yet comprehended the situation, leaving me stunned and unable to react. It was not until I had already shut and locked the door to my bedroom that I began to process what was going on, and I nearly lost it. During my enraged realization, I must've blacked out or something, because the next thing I remembered was examining the debris all over the floor. I had knocked everything off the top of my dresser and nightstand, and punched a gaping hole into the wall in my fury. Then, my adrenaline slipping, I sank on my knees to the floor, suddenly exhausted and more upset than angry.

How could they do something like this to me? How could they stab me right in the back like that? What a bunch of half-ass excuses for friends. I had straight up told Calum to take care of Lucey, and he honored my wish by getting her drunk and taking advantage of her? He knows she doesn't handle alcohol well! Just because she was vulnerable doesn't give him a reason to mack on her.

But maybe, I thought, Calum wasn't completely to blame. I'd seen Lucey under the influence before, and it usually turned out bad for everyone. For all I know, she was probably throwing herself at poor Calum like some cat in heat. She got pretty crazy sometimes, especially at clubs.

Which brought me to Ashton and Michael. What had they been thinking? A club? Are you serious right now? That was just a terrible idea all around. I get that they were trying to lighten the mood and everything, but they should've known better than that. And where were they anyways? They hadn't even bothered to see that their friends got home safely. They were probably still out partying, unaware of the disaster they had inadvertently caused. Classic.

But the more I tried to think of who was really to blame, the more I started thinking that maybe this was all my fault to begin with. I mean, I had told Lucey that I wasn't ready yet, and I knew that had really hurt her. So she was just trying to go out and have a good time and forget what had happened; I couldn't really be mad at her for that. And Calum had actually been trying to help keep a close eye on her like he always did, so I couldn't judge him for giving in to her at the time, especially if they were both intoxicated. This was the most rational I had ever thought and, unlike the others, I had my sobriety to thank for the clarity of my mind. 

God, I was such a dick for acting the way I was. Cal had probably made himself sick over this whole ordeal, and I couldn't even imagine the way Lucey felt after how I had stormed off like that. I was only making matters worse by being angry, and it wasn't fair of me to treat everyone like this. Calum didn't deserve it, and Lucey definitely did not deserve it.

After she'd been through hell and back with that little bitch boyfriend of hers, the least I could've done was be more understanding. Instead, I only made her feel worse than Matt already had, and I'd never forgive myself for that. I was beginning to feel awful and ridden with guilt. I needed to fix this, and I knew it. Absently running a hand through my hair, I paced the room nervously, trying to think of what I could possibly say to make this better as soon as possible. Why was I such an idiot?

I had just done a hasty job of cleaning what I could of my messy room and was about to unlock my door and venture out, when I heard a knock. Assuming it was Lucey and forcing myself to swallow down my fear of what was to come, I walked over to the door and slowly opened it, only to find Calum standing there. He was staring down at the ground and rocking back and forth on his heels like a toddler. I cleared my throat awkwardly and he glanced up, looking surprised to see me so relaxed.

"Hey," I started.

"Hey," he replied. Okay. Now what?

"So um--"