Not Fine at All (Luke Hemmings a.u.)

Chapter 10

LUCEY'S POV

I bit down on my bottom lip until I tasted blood. The nerves had begun to set in as I approached Luke's bedroom, my mind reeling wildly to think of a way to even start the conversation.

Hi. I'm Lucey. You probably remember as the girl who left you for no real reason, got beat by her boyfriend, and then ended up on your doorstep. Oh yeah, and I think I still have feelings for you. So.

Probably not one of my best ideas so far... Scratch that. 

I was just about to give up and turn around before I got in over my head when I heard something coming from Luke's room. I stopped to listened. It sounded like music. Stepping closer, I pressed my ear against the wood of the door, and sure enough, I could just barely make out the light strumming of a guitar and what seemed to be singing. What I heard all but broke my heart.

"Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

When he says those words that hurt you

Do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder if it's just a lie

If what we had was real

How could you be fine?

Because I'm not fine at all"

I had always known that Luke had a passion for music, but never in our relationship had he ever demonstrated this passion to me, or really anyone. I had never heard him play that guitar he kept propped against the wall next to his bed, and I had certainly never heard him sing like that. The experience was almost overwhelming for me. He was so talented!

And what about those lyrics? They seemed original, or at least I had never heard them before. Did he write that about me? Had I really hurt him that much? The words were so beautiful, but held an endless amount of pain. I felt a sudden aching that seemed to resonate from the very core of my being, and I was no longer nervous to talk to him. I knew it needed to be done, for his sake and mine, just to try and heal some of the wounds I had left. 

Gathering all of the courage I could muster, I raised my hand and knocked softly on his door. For a moment, I was worried he had not noticed, but I soon heard some shuffling around coming from his side before the door cracked open.

The sliver of his face that was revealed to me looked exhausted, as if he too had lost sleep the past few nights. Dark circles framed the bottom of his eyes and his usually perky quiff lie limp and matted against his forehead. I wondered if I looked as rough as he did. His eyebrows quirked upward upon seeing me and I decided that the tired look suited him much better than it did me. Sleepy Luke was kind of adorable.

"Lucey? What's wrong?" He asked raspily.

"Hey, Luke. Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to talk to you about some things. Are you busy?" I tried to seem nonchalant so he didn't know I'd just been eavesdropping on his little secret performance.

"Busy? Um... No, not really. I was actually still asleep when you knocked." He glanced back behind him, as if trying to decide whether or not his story seemed credible.

I disregarded his lie. "Oh, alright. Well, do you mind if I come in? I'd like to keep this private."

"Yeah, no problem. Just a second." He disappeared swiftly from the doorway and I could make out the sound of dull thumping as he was probably attempting to hide the evidence of his guilty pleasure. A few moments later, he reappeared and opened the door, bowing slightly and gesturing me in.