Not Fine at All (Luke Hemmings a.u.)

Chapter 17

LUCEY'S POV

My hands felt clammy and my throat felt dry. Luke didn't look any better as he blushed and stuttered incoherently, obviously embarrassed at what he had just said. Tension hung thick in the air, laced with the emotion behind his words. I was still struggling to grasp the what he had let slip out.

"Yes," he finally managed. "I do love you. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I have no doubt in my mind. You're beautiful and funny and loud and bright and some things might have changed you a little since you've been gone, but that's what I'm here to fix. I'll never let anyone hurt you again and I'm sorry for everything I've done to make you sad or angry or even just remotely indifferent, and I'm sorry that it took you kissing my best friend to make me realize how much I need you all to myself. I'll never hit you or even touch you unless you want me to, and I'll take you out to dinner and brag about you to all my friends and their moms and I'll take you to clubs even though you're sort of scary when you're tipsy. God. You're so lovely and smart and adorable and I don't care what it takes-- we don't even have to have sex, just as long as I get to wake up next to you and your snoring and make chocolate chip pancakes for you and your frizzy red hair every day for the rest of my life."

His speech hit me like oncoming traffic, and I stood, paralyzed by the impact. Luke wasn't the most eloquent speaker, especially when it came to romantic stuff like this, but I was stunned nonetheless. I sniffled quietly, letting the moment sink in before I spoke. 

"Do you really think my hair is frizzy?"

Luke laughed out as if he had been holding his breath. "Of course not. I was just making sure you were listening. But I meant everything else."

I stopped to take it all in. I already knew that I loved him, but I didn't plan on us coming to that consensus so soon. We were only just back in a place I felt comfortable with and I was afraid of spoiling it by confessing anything too dense. Even back when Luke and I were together the first time, we didn't have those sort of deep stare-intensely-into-each-others-eyes kind of talks that I felt like couples were supposed to have. We had always been a bit unconventional, and romance wasn't really our forte. Then again, I knew a lot had changed since that time and we had both had enough time (and enough trauma) to mature considerably. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for having this discussion tonight. But the way he was looking at me expectantly and drawing that lip ring through his teeth, I knew it was now or never and I couldn't leave him hanging much longer. 

"Well then I guess I love you too," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I meant it more than my casual tone let on. "I love you and your mediocre hair game."

"Now you've taken it too far," he chuckled as he leaned in to kiss me.

Luke and I had kissed plenty of times before, but this one felt totally different. It wasn't fueled by loneliness or sorrow or guilt. It was fueled by confessed feelings and the rekindling of a dormant passion. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be kissed by someone who actually cared for me, and I relished in the experience. In that moment, I knew that I was serious about this and I was ready to be his everything. My hands slipped up to the nape of Luke's neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

"Did you mean what you said about not having sex?" I mumbled against his lips.

"Kind of," he answered. I bit his bottom lip. "Okay. Not really."

Without missing a beat, Luke had bent down and set his massive hands behind my thighs, imploring me to jump. I did so swiftly, tightening my knees around his waist and crossing my ankles behind his back. The kiss had yet to break as he turned to press my body to the wall for support. It was only when his hands slipped under the hem of my shirt and rested firmly on my hips that I pulled back to gasp for air, suddenly feeling the heat of the room.