I'm angry at myself,
Due to the fact that I'm a complete and utter disappointment.
I'm angry at myself,
Due to the fact that I'm always feeling depressed.
I'm tired of feeling this way,
And I'm only depressed because I've disappointed myself,
But not only myself but my father, the rest of my family,
The few friends I have left, and the school that gave me the confidence and independency I thought I needed.
I try to be better, but I'm overcome by my horrible mental health that I can barely sustain.
Along with my lack of motivation for anything but my dreams that will never come true.
I'm living a depressing life, all made by me,
And I can't believe I've dug myself a hole this deep.
I wish I could get out,
But I know I never will.
Each day I awake I pass by the mirror in the hallway leading to the entrance of my room.
And all I see is an utter disappointment.
Because of this, it forces my day from the time I awake, to be as depressing as it can be.
And I go throughout the day, feeling drained, and hating the person that I see.
Until I've had enough, then I become angry with myself,
Because this all starts with me.
I've lost all hope in myself.
Honestly for the past week I thought about killing myself.
The only thing stopping me is my fear of the unknown.
And I don't want my father to be even more disappointed in me and look at me as a coward.
I don't want to add another layer of stress to my family's life.
I don't want my father to see the sight of his only son, dead.
I don't want to disappoint my mom, because I hate knowing how much she would cry.
I don't want to force my sister into a depression triggered by my own selfish suicide.
I don't want to them to have to relive the memories we spent because in the end,
It would just hurt them more.
This depression feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
And the stress I endure each day makes me feel like I'm living the same day over and over.
To be honest, I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm just tired of feeling like this.
Each night I've been wishing for a miracle to come,
So maybe I can stop being the disappointment I've become.
But I've seen no miracle and no miracle has been sung.
Tonight I'm going to wish for another miracle,
But I know I'll never see one.
