Writings of Expression

Here Is My Story

You may know me for my words, thoughtful and heartfelt most of the time.
However, the cause of that tendency and behavior is unknown to you, I bet.
If you really wanna know how a tree can grow despite being twisted and burnt, listen close.
Once I was a little boy, curious about games, words, and the meaning of life.
As the boy grew, he noticed that a lot of boys were mean, selfish, and greedy.
Seeing that the girls were often more caring and kind to everyone, he changed.
No longer did the boy see things like others, which allowed his mind to change also.
Time flew by, with the parents of the child arguing almost daily, yelling and fighting.
Anger clouded the child's eyes and mind as that is all stuck from the parents behavior,
Until the child did something out of anger that caused something new to be seen.
That sight was the mother being scared of her own child and the outburst of anger.
With that new experience, the child sought out others to try and learn from them,
Quietly studying and analyzing things, and feeling jealous of the better lives around.
Hugs were only a night time ritual at home, so the child grew up wanting more hugs,
Only to realize that hugs were only a part of that which was the desire of the heart.
Love, attention, and praise were what was desired as none was freely offered,
But the path that led down was one that hurt and tore the child apart over time.

It took until my teenage years to realize that what I want and need, I can get myself.
Loving friends now fill the void enough to be fine with not having much love at home.
Attention is something that is left aside as the spotlight often makes things worse.
And praise? Well, praise is something I still desire, but now I search for the reasons to it.
More than the need for love, I search to understand myself and the world itself now.
Romance, love, whatever you want to call it has burned me too much too fast,
So I feel alright in just letting my words convey the feelings of my heart and thoughts.
Born a little boy, I am now a man in body, fluid in mental thought patterns, and free.
Once, I thought that being broken was my punishment for some choice that I made,
But now I realize that being as broken as I am is the blessing to know and see more.
The more I reflect on the scars of my past, the life I have lived to this moment,
Peace and contentment fill me as I realize I needed that to become who I am now.
Sure, I never really feel safe, cared about, or like I am worth much to anyone,
But those are a small price to make if it allows me to reach out to more people,
To guide them to have a better life and a far lighter burden to bear compared to mine.

Parents, read this and recognize that even a seemingly small thing has big effects on kids.
If I ever become a father, or whatever term my kids wanna call me, I'll remember this rant.
My memories of the lack of affection and comfort at home will drive my actions and decisions.
Crucify me if you will for wanting to be an at-home-parent, but that is my choice to make.
I will not subject my children to the events that shaped me into the fragmented being I am!
They will enjoy love, the crafts my hands help to shape into being, and my full support.
Facts and lessons I will teach them, all so that they can think for themselves and grow.
While I know that the urge to help them make a choice will pop up at times, I'll ignore it.
Am I a bad person for wanting to treat my kids like adults and help them be themselves?
No, the answer is that I am not. Yes, it will make life more difficult at times, but that is life.
Your children won't always be there for you, nor you for them. That is how life is for families.
All that parents can do, is be there to help teach the children, let them grow and become more.
Had I grown up in a family like that, instead of what I grew up with, I would be so very different.
Wondering what my experience as a kid was? I'll type it up in a different story titled "Growing UP" for those that want to read it. Some parts will likely be exaggerated as kids and memories are not perfect, but it will be my recalling of what I grew up with, and what made me who I am.

To all those who read this far, in the book or of the poem, I thank you. This collection of mine is likely gonna see some love and attention as I plan to write a lot more. Especially for NaNoWriMo, whcih stands for National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is a yearly challenge to write as many words as you can on various works of your own, and if you meet the goal that is set for each individual to reach, you receive a shirt for completing the challenge. That's all I know of it at least, although I will be refreshing my memory of the details soon. If you want to join me, feel free to head to their website NaNoWriMo.org to check it out and see if you want to tackle the mountain and try to reach the summit. I might not make it, but I will do my best to, no matter how many times I have to drag my lazy behind to the laptop and write at least a thousand words a day until I get the hang of writing as much of my thoughts as I can for multiple different projects of mine.

Anyways, thanks for reading my rant, and I hope you all have a great rest of your day, week, month, and year! Oh, and if you need sleep, please find a way to sleep. Eat if you need to, and just take care of yourselves in general, my friends. I hope to see at least some of you again the next time I update my works with some writings.