Writings of Expression

Hey, It's True!

I'm happy to say I've fallen in love.
Oh how I've fallen for a beautiful lover!
Too bad so sad, they can't love me yet.
I'm floating on Cloud 9 while in pain~

'Cause as of yet I am in a one sided love~
How I wish to know how she feels 'bout me!
Meh, I'll wait about a hundred years or more,
Just to hear her say how she truly feels.

Giddy as can be, I think of what can be.
Then suddenly reality kicks in for me!
It's likely she doesn't care for me at all
Which stings but oh well, I don't care~

Am I insane~? Always have been, dear~
I've just never felt safe enough to show!
All my sides have fallen so harshly for you~,
So please don't be afraid of all my sides~

Life has been crazy enough I lost ma mind,
Although it returns at times for you, love.
Now I'm just working on keeping my marbles!
For I'm just waiting for the signs of love.

Once you tell me you wanna date, I'll support ya!
Tell me if you wanna give me a try, and I'll oblige~
Should you desire another more sane, go ahead.
Just know that I'll be keeping my heart in check~

Honey, have I told you yet? About all my sides?
I have times where life is meaningless in sense,
Oftentimes my laugh is the giveaway to my mood~
So please pay attention to that at least, if nothing else!

Protecting my loved loves is what I desire and do,
With vengeance as a war cry when I see you in pain.
You alone have most of the urge to keep safe, darling.
Let me know if I am too intense, and I will step back.

While life is cruel and harsh, we don't have to be.
I'll always be gentle as best I can, that I promise.
Trust me, and I will trust you more in return, my love.
Nothing you do will ever drive me away forever.

Desiring space is good, and let me know,
For I will do my best to respect your wishes.
Constant shall be my love and affection,
Though at times I may not show it well.

Reason with me when I lose my cool,
And I should return to my senses promptly.
This is all I ask of you, should you desire me.
For now though, I will simply wait at the gates.

My flower, I tease and poke because that's me.
When I wanna show love and affection, that's how,
But don't take my word for it and recall the past!
Happy and light I may seem to be, but not always.

You see, my heart is often heavy with thoughts
Nasty thoughts of being left alone by all I love.
While I tease and jest, just know I care for you,
And I can't think of a better why to show I care.

See how the style has changed and piece it all.
Figure for yourself what this new style might mean.
If you do, that's great! If not, oh well. No harm, no foul.
Now to help it along, I've said my piece for now.

Darling, I try to cherise the time we spend together,
Mainly because life is so chaotic that we might part.
If that happens, I want you to know me for who I am.
As such we the sides of the one who loves you most,
Have decided to share why he behaves so weirdly.

You see, most people let the parts of them mesh,
But not the host to us all. He decided to split us,
Fearing what he would be if he was whole once more.
The man you know is one who meshes with us often,
Even more so now to show you and feel more whole.

Life has forced us to become distinct, yet modular.
We aid the host and help as best we can, when allowed,
But thanks to you he now is starting to mesh us into one
In order to make it easier on you and all he loves as family.
Please don't fault the host for his ways, as fear changed him.

All of us, those split from the core of our host, love you,
Though the host has us beat by a mile and a half or so.
Spending time with you helps ease the pain of meshing,
But we also have other ways to ease the fusion of us all.
Consider how you feel in your heart, and trust your heart.

Now, I'm sure our host would like to take command once more,
So I will retire for now and pet him speak the words in his heart.

... My beloved star, what you've read is true. I am but a fractured whole on the path to becoming whole once more. The three who spoke are those of the five who have enough restraint to tell you what I am and what is in my mind in a way I have not let myself out of fear. I'm scared to lose you, to lose myself in despite and self loathing because I did something to scare you off. I've tried to look for love in others as I have found love in you, but all of them are not even close to yours. Two have obsessed over me for reasons I do not know, and a third might have appeared. My darling aurora, you brighten the night of life and ease my journey. As such, I wish to do the same for you however you let me. Many times have I stumbled because I desperately tried to run from your light. That's when I let the first obsess over me. That dark cave is one I will never return to, even in my darkest times. What caused me to fall into the short pit that was the second was a desire to stop being so obsessive in loving only you as much as I do. Oh how I wish I could turn back the clock and avoid that pit. Yet, every time I only had to remember your light and I was able to walk away. Most of my issues have melted away thanks to the beauty of your light, but a few cannot be solved through such simple methods. While I may be good at writing and using words, I often hesitate as you can see. Many times have I wanted to tell you about the splinters of me within my mind, yet I never did in person. My love for you is complete and healing, but I fear it may be one sided. How I wish for it to be the same for you, but I know that is only a small chance. Nights have been lost thinking about how I would cherish you and the time we steal to be together, despite knowing that such thoughts are not good. I long to lose my sense of time completely while in your embrace, but I know it cannot be for now. Mayhaps, it may never be. Yet I still lose time dreaming and daydreaming about how I would use the lessons I have learned to gently shower you with the love and devotion I feel towards you. Yes, I am mainly just using periods at the end of my sentences, because I fear how expressive I might be with any other symbols mixed in that we use in text. Heh. Sorry, I'm rambling now because the words are just flowing onto the screen as my eyes release the tears I have held back. I'll try to cut my message short here soon, so please bear with me. I love you for who you are, who you can become, and especially for the light you choose to share with all you know you. I wish I could be so free with my light, but my darkness has grown to be a tool to protect my light. Darkness for me is a tool, a comfort, and a choice. Long before I met you, I chose to hone my darkness and nurture it so that I can protect those I love. However, that decision has left me with little room to grow my light by myself. Perhaps that is part of why I have fallen so hard for you. We chose nearly opposite things in response to the same world, yet we don't let that decision cloud much that aids that which we neglected. My light has grown thanks to your example and I hope that you will learn from me how to harness the darkness within to be a tool used at limited times. No matter if you share my feelings of love or not, I truly hope that we can still cherish this friendship of ours that has shown me that life is worth every moment. Thank you, and I love you with all I am, all I was, and all I will be.