If Yesterday Could Disappear

Chapter 32

In order to heal, you have to break.

The truth always hurts they say, and I agree.

Binuksan ko ang hawak hawak kong alak at uminom rito nang may labis na hinanakit sa aking puso. The thought of all the lies they made to keep me company for all these years, makes me loath them.

And it fucking hurts...

It hurts to know that the person that I'm willing to sacrifice myself for, is the same reason on why I'm fucking broken and miserable in the first place.

Bakit Ma? Bakit mo nagawa iyon?

I grew up picturing you to be the most perfect women to ever exist. You married a wealthy man, you are intelligent, and beautiful. You have everything that you could ever wish for, so why?

Muling nagsituluan ang aking mga luha habang ako'y patuloy na nagpapaka lasing.

The idea of who she was in my mind? Fucking destroyed.

I can't believe I loved someone like her.

Nagpakatanga ako para sa atensyon mo, ginawa ko rin ang lahat para gumaling ka. But all along you were that killer I was looking for?

Bullshit.

Binato ko ang hawak hawak kong bote sa harapan ko at pinagmasdan itong bumaon sa buhangin. And just like that glass, my heart sank.

"Tanginang buhay naman oh." I cried. Everything was just suddenly unveilling in front of me, and I don't have the strength to take all of it at once.

I thought I could. Damn it, I wish I could take it all para matapos na lahat nang ito. But maybe I'm still that pitiful girl that needs saving after all. And I hate it.

Pagkatapos nang ilang taon Celine, kailan ka ba magkakaroon nang lakas para wakasan ang lahat nang ito? When will this fucking ends?

"Celine,"

I flinched when I heard someone's voice beside me. It immediately made me turn my head to my left, and saw Aiden who looks relieve. Hawak hawak nito ang kaniyang telepono at humihinga ng malalim.

Seeing him standing infront of me, my tears fell again. And I didn't waste any minute,

Tumakbo ako papalapit sa kaniya at mahigpit itong yinakap. Our warmth collided with one another and I never want anything more than his arms around me. Hinapit niya ang aking bewang at diniin ang aking ulo sa kaniyang dibdib at doon ako humikbi.

Home.

"Aiden..it hurts," animo'y parang batang sabi ko dito at mas hinigpitan pa ang pagkayakap sa kaniya.

"Celine.." he carressed my back.

"They lied to me, all this time they've been lying to me." Iyak ko bago binitawan ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniyang damit. Fear slowly creeping in my heart.

I pulled away and looked straight into his eyes.

"Are you gonna lie to me too? Tangina wag, ikaw nalang ang pinanghahawakan ko sa mundong ito Aiden. Please— don't break my heart the way everyone did—" I broke infront of him.

Losing everyone won't be a problem, but losing the man that loved me despite my flaws and my shattered heart? I'd rather die.

"Don't leave me.."

Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at umiiling akong tiningnan. Those forest like eyes once again captured my attention and gave me the comfort that I needed.

"I'd never lie to you, at mas lalong hindi kita iiwan." He said, looking straight to my eyes he pulled me closer with a gentle touch that will always make my knees go weak.

"I wanna marry you, Celine." he confessed.

"I wanna have a family with you, to grow old with you, and I wanna love you forever. Celine, I will never leave you." He came closer and our foreheads touched one another.

Fuck. What did I do to deserve you, Aiden?

Everytime that I'm miserable, you are always there, ready to listen to my rants and issues that kept on bugging me. Palagi kang nandiyan para samahan ako sa mga panahong hindi ko kinakaya ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko.

Was I even there for you at your lowest? Hindi ko nga matakasan ang mga kalbaryo ng buhay ko, at hindi makatayo sa sarili kong mga paa, paano ako tatayo sa tabi mo?

I can't always depend on you to comfort me. I can't let you see me miserable like this again..

"I wanna be with you. Gusto kong marinig ang boses mong kumakanta sa tabi ko. I wanna learn how to cook for you ——I want you." I cried.

"I wanna be better for you Aiden." I smiled bitterly.

"So please, let me find my self and comeback better."

I will probably regret this later but, I need to forget everything and start new, to comeback better. It's time to choose myself right? It's time to leave the past behind and start new.

"Where are we going?"

I shook my head at him. And he stared at me confused of my sudden change of mood. It was a decision I made without thinking twice and I could regret this later, but one thing is for sure— this is a decision that I'll make for myself. For us.

"Ako lang ang aalis Aiden—"

I cried.

I don't want to leave, but if leaving everything here behind means finding myself and healing all of my broken parts— then let me go.

"What? A minute earlier you were asking me to stay, tapos ngayon aalis ka?" He said in disbelief.

Tangina...gulong-gulo din ako sa isipan ko.

"I'm leaving because I want to be with you without any fucking pain Aiden! I need to free my mind from this mess!" I cupped his cheeks and watched him as his tears starts to fall one by one. And It's killing me, watching him like this.

"I can go with you.." pilit nito.

He looked at me, begging. And God knows how hard it is for me to watch him break like this because of me. But I need to free my mind from my nightmares, I want to finally be better than before.

"Gusto kitang mahalain nang walang dinaramdam na sakit Aiden. I want to change for you, so please give me a chance to heal myself."

I pulled him closer and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"Can I be selfish just this once, Celine? Please take me with you." Aiden hugged me tighter.

But I made my mind.

"I would like to forget, Aiden. Let me heal myself."

I gently pushed him away and placed my hands on his nape. Staring deep into his forest like eyes, I pulled him closer and kissed him passionately. Our souls embraced one another and my tears left my eyes.

Whenever I'm close to him, I have feel this feeling that I can't explain. Something that couldn't be described by words, but could be felt and it makes my heart race with a hint of aching.

You make me want to change, Aiden. You made a whole new person in me and I'm grateful.

It was short, and our moments were unexpected but they were the best moments of my life. You are the light that led me to the bridge of acceptance.

"I will love you, Aiden. Unconditionally."