"Do you know why you're having nightmares again?" He asked, watching me tap my pen continuosly on the table infront of us.
"I have no idea," Napahinga ako ng malalim bago itigil ang ginagawa ko at ituon ang buong atensyon sa kausap ko ngayon.
"But, there's this man who came to my life recently. And, he is a racer which remind me of the past"
"Are you close to him? Do you think he is the reason for your nightmares?" Napatikhim ako at napaiwas ng tingin dito. Hindi ko masabi, hindi ko mailabas sa bibig ko na baka siya nga talagang ang rason kong bakit ako nagkakaganito muli, but— like what he said, bakit siya ang magbabayad sa kahihinatnan ng nakaraan ko? Why would I accuse him for bringing me nightmares again?
"I don't know, Im so confused. I feel like my mind is more messed up than it was before— My storm got worse as if Im back to that day, and you know how badly I don't wanna be in the same situation again." I cried, desperately wanting to be better again.
"What do you want to happen Celine? Is there any emotions you want to feel? Anything that you want to experience again?"
I do have something I want to experience again. I don't read books but I read my script and sometimes, I need to act like Im inlove and Im happy and I wondered how would I act it if I havent even felt it? How would a clueless women like I am act like she's inlove?
The last time I felt it was when I was with my parents. Im inlove with the moments we spent together, and I want to experience them again. With them,
"I want to be better. I want to smile and laugh. I want to be happy, I want to Love, feeling those butterflies in my stomach and to, Live." I smiled bitterly. Ang daling sabihin ng mga ito pero napaka-imposibleng mangyari.
"Then make that a reason to be better again. Keep taking time for yourself until you're you again,"
Until...Im me again?
"But I don't even know who I am, who i was, who i were...."
After meeting my therapist I left and stopped by at Starbucks to get some drinks before going home. Alas singko na ng hapon at palubog na ang araw, but everytime is Starbucks timee!
Bumaba ako sa kotse ko at sinimulang maglakad sa kalye ng siyudad at tingnan ang mga taong naglalakad sa paligid ko. Maingay ang paligid dahil sa mga sasakyan na nagdagsahan dito, marami ding estudyante ang nagkalat sa gilid at mukhang kakagaling lang sa kani-kanilang mga eskuwelahan.
Looking at every person I walk pass, parang walang dinadala ang mga ito. As if their lives are better than mine but my demons were just decieving me. Lahat naman tayo may mga problemang hindi natin malutas-lutasan and we have no right to judge someone by looking at them— Although I do that everytime.
"Ouch," napangiwi ako ng may makabanggaan ako at bwisit na tiningnan ang babaeng tatanga-tanga sa harapan ko. Nakahawak ang kamay ko sa braso nito kaya't hindi ito napahiga sa daan,
"I-Im sorry," tumingala ito sa akin at pareho kaming nagulat ng makita namin ang isa't isa. Both our eyes widened seeing each other in this situation.
"Maren?"
"Celine?"
BINABASA MO ANG
If Yesterday Could Disappear
RomanceThe Walton Brother's She's a mix of beauty and mess, going through countless of battles that left her pain and scars that were never healed. Celine Grei was only 9 when she witnessed her father dying infront of her. The explosions and the screaming...
