"Meeting new people has always been a thing I find enlightening. I enjoy getting to know the people I don't know."
"Do you enjoy getting to know me?"
I smiled. "Of course I do."
Where a girl who just lost her mom and a boy who fights his own demons...
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My arm connected with his as we walked down the muddy path in the woods. The birds were singing and the wind blew the leaves around gracefully. I moved some hair from my face and looked at Laurie as he enjoyed the nature around us. I looked away and looked forward. "Do you believe I'll be able to become a great writer?" I asked out of nowhere.
"I think you'll succeed more than you'll know. Why do you ask?" He takes his free hand, patting it on my arm before continuing the walk.
I shrugged. "Sometimes I think too much and I start to doubt myself, but Lincoln keeps insisting I write about something that brings me happiness."
"I think that is a wonderful idea. You should enjoy what you write."
I nodded and continued to walk. I heard a sigh as we both stopped, my hands in his. I looked at our hands, skin to skin, and felt like I was floating. I hid this feeling well by looking at him confused. "Are you alright?"
"I want you to stay. I know we've already had this conversation but I'm not sure if I've really expressed how I've felt about the thought of you leaving."
I looked at him, more surprised then confused. "Laurie, where is this coming from?"
"It's coming from my heart. I know how stupid it sounds, but I am speaking the truth. The kids love it here and I know they liked it in London, but they love it here more. I know you do too."
I sighed. "What do you want me to do, Laurie? I've already made plans to stay here for Meg's birthday, but that is all I can do."
"Are you even trying to stay longer? Is there something in London that isn't here?"
"Yes! A lot! A chance to speak MY mind and not let a man tell me what I should and shouldn't do!" I yelled and yanked my hands from his. "All my life I've been told what I should and shouldn't do. I am tired of it. I'm doing what's best for me and my kids. They'll have so many opportunities in London. If Amy can find her place there, so can we. I will not allow you to breath down my neck. I care about you Laurie, but I will not be held back from my future because you say so."
We both stand there for a moment, realizing the words that were said. The words we wouldn't be able to take back. The walk hadn't went the way we wanted it to. I thought about telling him how much I loved him, but when being asked to stay in a place where there aren't a lot of opportunities, I won't allow it. My kids deserve better than this. I don't want them to grow up thinking they have to stay in one place. The world is huge and has many beautiful things to see. I want to show them the things. The things I never got the chance to see. I took a step back from him and fixed my dress.
"No matter what anyone says, I will be leaving after Meg's wedding. I hope you can accept that." I said and started speed walking back to the house.
Maybe it wasn't good to leave him alone. It was like the books I've read. They always have a rough patch before admitting the feelings they have. I hate to compare a real life situation to a book, but it's true. Not everyone is perfect and I understand that. But a part of me wants it to be true. I want perfection to become reality so there is no hurt in the world. Pain surrounds us in many ways and I wish to take it all away.
