Burns

13.

Jason wasn't kidding about work being cut out for me. I spent my entire day cleaning off paint from my porch after I had cleaned up the garbage spilled on my front lawn. He had sprayed 'Fucker' and 'Son of a murderer' onto my wall. I muttered a string of curse words as I kept vigorously scrubbing the wall, getting more irritated by the second at how persistent the graffiti was. My arms were hurting as hell yet the stupid paint wasn't coming off.

I was sweating, battling the pain I felt shoot through my nose with each breath I took; I despised nursing a broken nose. I was cranky. I barely got any sleep last night. I was in pain throughout yet my mind couldn't rest. Jason's words haunted me. Above everything he said to me, his last words beat me up. How else could I describe how awesome of a day I was having, hm?

I bit back on my bottom lip as my nail got broken while scrubbing the annoying paint off. My frustration was at its peak as I cradled my injured and bleeding finger, muttering curses audibly like a damned sailor. I threw the rag onto the floor spitefully, merely refraining myself from kicking down the bucket or taking out my frustration on the wall that had the dumb pain. "Fuck!"

I hated Winfield and I'd leave if I had the finance enough to get me an apartment in another town. I could just run a garage for income over there, so my source of income wouldn't be a problem that much for me. When my mother died, she had left money in a swiss bank account for me and I knew it was for my college— a trustfund, if you will.  I swore to myself that I wasn't going to touch it, I was going to use it for college just like she wanted or at least, I presumed that was the sole aim of the trustfund. Bottom line of all this long talk? I couldn't afford a liveable apartment yet... nor enough money to rent a garage space. I wasn't eager to be stranded or a liability to myself in a strange town.

I sighed, acknowledging that my own desire to go to college was a major influence behind my lack of will to use the money. I had dreams of becoming a major software developer, a well-trained programmer and computer specialist too— an IT personnel. I will go to college when I finally leave Winfield, I'd start the life I dreamed of away from Winfield. Jason was right; there's nothing for me in this town. But one long look at the house that held all my memories and I felt my heart wrench as nostalgia washed over me.

That might be a difficult decision after all.

                                          °•°•°•°•°

I laid my aching back on the bed after taking a steam shower and getting dressed in shorts. My whole body was aching and I had gotten tired of swallowing pill after pill of Aspirin. I wasn't a doctor but I was certain that I might overdose if I took another pill.

My phone caught my line of sight and I turned over to grab it then let my back hit the bed again. I unlocked my phone and began going through my notifications. 

I felt a slight pang of disappointment when I didn't find the particular notification I was hoping for. I was subconsciously searching for. She didn't text me and I had no idea why disappointment washed over me. I had gotten used to coming online to meet her texts yet here I was feeling sad that she didn't text me as usual. 

I exhaled deeply while going through our texts. Great, that damned girl has got me reminiscing on old texts. Her texts were always so lively and full of humor. I honestly felt becoming a comedian would be perfect for her. Unknowingly, my lips curled upwards to display a very sincere smile while reading a text where she had told me about getting held hostage by a monkey at the zoo when she was twelve. A quiet laugh broke out from my throat. 

I tapped on a picture she had sent me. She was dressed in a star-designed pyjama pants and a strapped blouse that had a picture of a unicorn vomiting a rainbow on it. She cuddled a big red teddy bear in her arms, her bronde hair was flipped and messy and she had made a face with her tongue sticking out and googly eyes. She looked cute and so was her room from the little I could see in the picture. 

I scrolled further down and found another picture. She was in a restaurant and in front of her was a giant ice-cream sundae with cherries and chocolate strips. She had a spoon to her parted lips and ice-cream smeared on her lips. I laughed out, really liking the picture. She really was something else. Her black jacket wasn't spared from the ice-cream stains either. She had even sent me a video and while watching it, I couldn't stop smiling and I didn't even realise it.

Brecley had a habit of sending me pictures each day she texted me. It was her way of giving me a full insight on what her day went like. A few of them I had checked out before. But now I took my time to load each picture and I didn't know why a peaceful feeling flooded my chest along with sweet tingles. There was a certain warmth that enveloped me as I re-read our texts and viewed her pics.

When I realized the funny business going on in my chest, I tossed my phone aside like it had just scalded my hand and scrambled out of the bed with widened eyes of pure mortification. My heart was beating at a fast pace as realization hit me like a merciless truck.

I knew those tingles very well. I knew that feeling of getting lost in smiles oh so well. I had experienced it before with Chloe. It couldn't be. Hell no. It had to be a cruel joke my head was playing on me. I placed my hand to my chest and the speedy heartbeats confirmed my horror. The fluttering in my stomach had me staggering back.

Fuck no!

I couldn't...

I shouldn't...

I wasn't supposed to...

My back hit the wardrobe as my eyes stared at my phone. I wasn't coming to terms with this. I was outraged by the audacity of that girl. How could she? How dare she? Moreover, I was at loggerheads with myself. I carried equal anger towards my senses.

I noticed I've borne funny, tingly feeling for a while but that night she showed up in that absolutely audacious, bodacious, beautacious and outrageous dress, looking exquisite, divine, captivating, bewitching, appealing and temptingly inviting, the intensity of my hormonal response and fluttering heart, made me quiver. My heart had skipped a beat when my eyes roamed her body, taking in every detail.

And when she stood before me in my t-shirt, she looked sumptuous and adorable with her hair held in a messy bun. I hadn't noticed the proud smile that graced my lips because she looked that heavenly in 'my' t-shirt, till now.

I inhaled sharply, as every image of her crossed my mind in a speed up slideshow. A curse escaped my lips as annoyance radiated through me. My dick and I really needed to have a talk because the sudden throbbing with which it came alive was found unacceptable by me and absolutely uncalled for. 

Her slender legs and plump lips…

I shook my head, pleading with my mind to please work with me and spare me the torturous thoughts. I wasn't like this, why was I becoming like this now?

I scrambled into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I rested my body against the door with shut eyes. I needed to calm my breathing. I took long strides to the mirror and with a long glance at my pale and awful reflection, I ducked my head and ran the faucet, proceeding to splash cold water on my face.

The weather was cold but the water was colder. Perhaps it was just what I needed to slap the stupid thoughts out of my head and straight into a raging inferno where they'd get burned to ashes.

I pulled my hair back, hooking my hands around my nape, I threw my head back. No matter how hard I tried, there was a growing conflict in my head and it revolved around Brec and my life.