Burns

28.

"... why don't you just leave already? You're a menace to everyone. No one needs you around, just go. Make your existence hidden..."

A gunshot resonated jerked me up from the bed with sweat lining my skin. My throat was parched and discomfort embraced me as I attempted swallowing. My breathing was hard and fast. Fuck, another nightmare and it was an awful one. I was reliving my most terrible memories that never seemed to elude me. My head was one aching and I held onto it in fear that it might explode. I regretted not packing my painkillers.

It's all in your head, Kylo. There wasn't any gunshot from here... it was just a memory that will never go away.

I sighed in defeat as I rubbed a hand against my face. It has been a while since they have troubled me. But I wasn't all that surprised. My nightmares had a thing for disappearing for a while, luring me to believe that my nights could be free, then appearing back to haunt my sleep in the meanest way ever. Yeah, it sucked but I was used to it.

My breaths weren't slowing down, my heart kept hammering against my chest so fast that it became alarming. Usually within three to five minutes of waking up, my breaths would have been consistent and calm. My chest felt tight and constricted as words echoed in my head, each with their different voices,

"... who knows, you might be worse than your father.... You don't deserve to still be here, why don't you just go?"

My chest tightened further as I began wheezing while hyperventilating. God no, I was having a bloody panic attack and my pills were far from reach. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I brought them. I climbed off the bed with my vision blurry and my head light. A hand to my chest as I struggled with my breathing. My hair clung to my face, courtesy of the sweat that had drenched me.

I sank to my feet, my hands gracing the floor as I stayed on all fours, fighting for my breaths. Each wheeze was painful. My head reared up in desperation as my chest grew more constricted by the second. I've never had a panic attack this bad before and to say I was genuinely scared at the moment would be an understatement.

I hated days like this, they always plunged me into a depth of endless self-pity and left me wallowing in despair. I became more of a brooding and angry fellow along with a pitiable maggot writhing on the floor, on days like this. It was pathetic and so was I.

"Your father was a bloody monster and one-day you will end up like him..."

"You should have just died like your daddy pretty boy... maybe you might not have to live with his legacy..."

A certain memory had me backing away with a slight stagger, my body colliding with the hard wood of the wardrobe, as I re-lived the pain and the brutality in my head,

"Hit him more, he needs to learn what happens to monsters."

I was against the bathroom wall, cradling myself, trying to protect myself the little that I could from their violent punches and kicks, with tears brewing in my eyes. I was just a scrawny ten year old that was getting the most painful beating of his life.

My hands caged my head as I shook in fear. A kick to my stomach had me doubling over as a sharp pain rippled through my body. I choked out a plea that got mixed with a dull gasp, "p-please... it h-hu-" I was shut up by a kick to my abdomen which had me wheezing with misty eyes. My body trembled as I feared for my life, believing with every fiber in me that my death was near.

My throat ached, protesting to the foot that was pressed against my neck, with enough pressure to have my little hands that shook vigorously, darting up on impulse in an attempt to pull the weight off my weak body. My vision was close to hazy as I gasped and wiggled, fighting with every thread of resistance in me to break free. I could hear laughter echo as I stayed underneath the foot, battling to remain alive. A tear escaped from my left eye, which throbbed heavily, as blood coughed up from my mouth, "s-stop-ahh!"