Burns

29.

☆☆Brecley:

I nibbled on my bottom lip while fiddling with my hands. I never expected Kylo to flip like that… hell, I never expected him to get so pissed over a beanie. I sighed. I really fucked up. People had different attachments to their stuff, I should have known Kylo would have been the type to be very particular about his things. Just great, first Tyler, now Kylo… I sighed again, rubbing my temple in anxiety.

I was very good at fucking up everything and getting people pissed at me. What was I going to do? It's easy to get Tyler to forgive me—though it might take a while— because he's my brother. I've known him since forever. But Kylo? How the hell was I going to go about apologising to him.

I groaned and anxiously lowered myself onto the edge of my bed. He didn't look too well in the morning, he looked tired and stressed along with a pale skin. I was worried about him honestly, he wasn't like the Kylo he had been till last night, which made me wonder what the hell might have happened to him? I rubbed my face, all this thinking was draining me. I wasn't feeling too well myself sadly.

I knew I owed Kylo a very sincere apology and I wondered how I was going to pull that off effectively. He had looked very deadly and terrifying when his anger spoke. It scared me so much that I wanted to sink into the wall. I feared I might have pushed him too far. I groaned again, remembering the conflicted look that waged war on his anger; he looked like an angry, brooding mess that was in desperate need of a psychiatric home.

I knew he gave off the 'leave me alone and do not piss me off' vibe, but I didn't expect such undiluted rage since he was always calm and reserved. I wanted to reach out to him and try to calm him down but the look he gave me made that decision kill itself. I shrank away as I watched him retreat with a slight stagger before bolting out of the room.

I wished he'd trust me enough as a friend and open up to me a little. It was obvious he had issues that bothered and haunted him and though he might not know it or perhaps he did but didn't want it, he needed someone to talk to.

I could see it in his eyes, the few moments he let his guard down a little, the emotions that would cloud them. The longing, the brief moment of wanting to belong and live in the moment, to throw caution to the wind and just be a teenager, make dumb mistakes like teenagers do.

I just wondered what withheld him because the moment those emotions surfaced, he drowned them back with anger re-emerging. It was like such emotions repulsed him or perhaps something was strongly reminding him to stay repulsed, cold, blank, unresponsive, impassive and alone. Or was he just like that?

I groaned, throwing myself onto my bed with frustration winning me over. He was just too darned complicated. It's like one moment you finally feel like you're making progress with him and the next he's blowing cold again. He's self-withdrawing. And that made my task of apologising to him even harder. I didn't know much about him so how was I supposed to go about this?

I was interrupted from my turmoil by the soft squeak of the door. My head snapped up to see Frida standing by my door. She wore a look of plain disappointment and I winced. Hell, even I wasn't happy nor proud of myself either.

"Want to hear me talk or do you at least want to talk about it?" 

I blinked at the ceiling, choosing to be a coward, "nope."

"Well you have to. Last night was a total downhill…" I could feel her gaze on me and I knew the words that would follow next, "so, Jarvin huh?"

I groaned at the mention of his name. Fuck that asshole honestly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Brec, can you stop being selfish at this point? Look, I love you and you're my best friend but that doesn't mean I'd support you when you're messing up or when you've messed up." I closed my eyes. I hated it whenever she reprimanded me because she always threw blunt facts at my face without any sugarcoat.