Burns

33.

My eyes wandered over the tall buildings that had its body lined with glass and looked away. This seemed a small quiet town. People strolled by while others were sparsely placed to either be sitting by the bus-stop or on the beautifully carved wooden benches that I had discovered had been skillfully placed around for the purpose of resting.

I loved this place, it seemed like my kind of place—quiet and serene. Quite different from bothersome and mangled. I considered living here… that was once I made up my mind to leave Winfield forever. I wasn't joking about wanting to start afresh. Perhaps a change of environment would be the beginning step.

Where on earth did working on yourself go, hm? Ah, yes. That too. The mind is the source of your wellbeing, they said but have a look at mine.

"Here…" I was rudely interrupted from my reminisce by a grinning Brecley.

Honestly I had no idea how she always managed to imitate an excited or mischievous five yearl everytime. I stared down at the heaped cone she was handing to me and blinked. She tilted her head at me and bent her head, leaning so close to stare at my face. I backed away slightly… she was too close to me and it was making my heart skip. "It's plain vanilla. Do you not like it? I-I figured your best flavour in ice-cream would be vanilla since you said…" she paused and shook her head.

I just stared at her in bewilderment. And I thought I overthink? Clearly she seemed to be catching on. It was a little amusing to watch her ramble with widened eyes. My face was used to blank stares and my eyes appeared to have signed ómerta with the word void, because it never betrayed it. Blank expression, void eyes. Though a few times a slip occurred when I couldn't contain my storm of emotions. 

I shook my head internally, reminding myself not to give in to the calling dark thoughts. I had no idea that I had had my eyes staring down upon her the whole time till I noticed her stained cheeks. I was told by Monsé a few times that my gaze could be domineering, intimidating, intense and very penetrative most times. Rude was a word she had once used to describe my icy eyes.

Along with the fact that I always seemed to have a faraway mind. It wasn't something that I did on purpose, it was just natural that I was an astute observer. 

I looked away, finally remembering why I hadn't collected the ice-cream from her. I disliked ice-cream…

It was just something that grew over the years after my mother passed. It used to be the sweetest thing in my mouth but now it just tasted sour and left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. I always ended up puking my gut out in a toilet whenever I tried to give it another chance. I stopped trying a couple years back and fully embraced vodka as a stress-relief.

"No thank you, I'm okay." I peered down at the creamy cone and scrunched my nose. I was getting nauseous just by the sight and smell of it and fought the need to press my hand over my nose along with keeping my stomach juice down.

"Why? I paid for two cones—one for you and I." She beamed at me whilst pushing the ice-cream further in front of me. I backed away again, biting onto my lower lip in a desperate attempt to not bend over and vomit. She eyed me in confusion. "Is-is something wrong?"

Oh yes…

I shook my head sideways, trying my best to keep my distaste and irritation at bay. "You should have just gotten for yourself." I mumbled while looking away. 

"I just thought… I felt that…" she pressed her teeth onto her lower lip and sighed before slowly looking up at me, "was this a stupid idea?" She mused lowly with disappointment in her voice. 

I felt her mood drop and I became confused on what to do. After fighting an internal battle on what to do, which in this case, was honestly a rough idea because I was blank, I decided to just accept the ice-cream. I didn't want to be responsible for a mood-gone-sour.