In Aid

28. Why Does It Hurt So Badly?

I hadn't had proper sleep in over twenty-four hours, but I couldn't imagine falling asleep anytime soon. I had spent the night on the balcony by the living room just staring at the view of the city. It had started to rain a bit, but I hadn't gotten wet, so I hadn't moved. I watched the sunrise like I was in a haze. The sliding door had opened once, twice, three times, but whoever opened it didn't say anything and I'd paid them no mind.

I was in too much pain. It had started in my chest but spread to my head and stomach a few hours later. My heart was beating so hard that I was surprised it hadn't burst from my chest yet and every now and then I felt like I'd forgotten how to breathe.

Why had I put so much trust into these people? The old me would have never caught feelings for someone so easily and now, it was over. Aubyn had always known his time on Earth was temporary, yet he never told me. Some things were starting to make sense now that I knew they had always planned on going back to their home.

Where did I have to go? Nowhere. Rikki was under the impression that everything was okay with me now. No matter how many times she told me I could go to her for help, I couldn't bring myself to. She was so nice to me, so pure, and such a great friend that I couldn't burden her with any more of my issues. I just couldn't. I had burned my bridges and now I had no one left to depend on.

"Zedikai, I cannot have you skipping any more meals. Come and eat something."

I didn't turn around to see who had opened the door to the balcony. Sang came to stand in front of me and stooped so we would be near eye level. His brows furrowed as he looked me over. "How much sleep did you get last night?"

"What do you care?"

"Did you not say so yourself that we are like friends or family?" Sang asked. He pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. "You feel hot and you look tired."

I pushed his hand away and struggled to get to my feet. "Please leave me alone."

Sang didn't come after me. I went to the bedroom and grabbed a few things, changing into a pair of jeans before leaving. It was afternoon, so it was hot outside. However, I preferred to endure the heat over sitting in the suite any longer, especially if I was going to be bothered.

I made it to the nearby convenience store. The money I had withdrawn the day before was supposed to be for my shopping trip with Milan and Rikki, but that was obviously not going to happen anymore. I bought two packs of cigarettes and a lighter and proceeded to chain smoke my way through an entire pack in the next three hours on my way to nowhere.

I didn't know where I was going, but I walked until my legs got tired, and then rested on the sidewalk in front of a bar. I could always GPS my way back to the suite if I needed to. I might have even dozed off for a bit from tiredness.

Alcohol was dangerous for me, but the bar looked tempting. When I had time to plan, instead of picking some random guy off the street, I'd go to a bar. There was always some drunk, horny idiot with a loose grip on their wallet hanging around.

"Do not do this, Zedikai."

I looked around frantically. I could have sworn I'd heard Aubyn's voice. I wanted him so bad I was hearing things. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Getting off my ass, I went into the bar and ordered the weakest drink possible. I wanted to get tipsy enough to get my mind off my issues, not drunk off my ass, but one drink turned into five and low alcohol turned into vodka shots with a chubby goth girl who was becoming increasingly touchy.

"I'm not good with subtlety so... my place or yours?" she asked.

I was sure she had told me her name at least twice but fuck if I could remember. "Unless you own a strap-on and are willing to use it, I think you're barking up the wrong tree," I told her honestly and left her at the bar to get the bartender's attention. He had been watching me. "Hey, you. Don't I know you from somewhere?"