In Aid

45. Be Mine?

Whenever I drank too much, my lips became loose and I usually went with whatever was presented to me at the moment without thinking too much about it. At least if I was sober I would have more strength to filter the words between my brain and my mouth and the capacity to think things through. Another thing that happened when I drank too much was being very clingy and wanting to be touched or held more than usual. So, when Sang brought up dancing where our bodies would be against each other, there was no way I could refuse.

"I think I might have made Aubyn jealous the last time I danced with you," I said. Speaking of him, since he left me with Coen, I hadn't had a glimpse of him since then.

"I think you provoked him without realizing it," Sang responded. "But in a good way. You are sexy when you want to be, Zedikai, but Aubyn is spoiled and stubborn. If you were devious, you could weaponize that to get what you want."

"What do you mean? Aubyn doesn't want sex from me."

"Oh please. Do you really believe that?"

"Well..."

"Embrace instead of shaming your body. All of it. That's all you have to do." On our next turn, Sang pulled me flush against him, our noses nearly touching. "Do not be blinded by the composed dedicated-father-and-diligent-worker routine Aubyn puts on. As one of the closest people to him, I can assure you that persona is only what is on the outside. Purkas... no, S-Class Downtonians on a whole are wild animals in humanoid skin. He knows he needs to behave on Earth, but don't be surprised when you see his true, flawed self once we get back to our home planet."

"He's not flawed," I argued. "He's perfect."

"No, no, no, Little Stray. Nobody is perfect. In human societies, they idealize perfect personalities as a template everyone needs to use to be acceptable human beings. You have to be good, obedient, caring, truthful, etcetera, etcetera. Karysians and Downtonians know that is complete and utter bullshit. People aren't black or white, good or evil. There are good deeds and evil deeds, but we are all grey. Just like you."

"What?" I wasn't entirely keeping up with what he was saying.

"A part of you enjoyed having men lust over your body and pay you handsomely for it. Don't lie to me. Be honest with yourself. What you hated was the lack of pure emotion behind it, not being fucked by different men. You want to be loved and cherished, not just lusted after."

He was hitting a little too close to home for my liking. But then again, that was Sang. He had warned me when we just met that his job required him to be alert and observant and so it became a habit for him to be that way at all times. He was hardly ever wrong when he had the time to observe and He didn't sugarcoat things either. I already knew I was flawed.

"Is that why you stopped sleeping around too?" I asked.

"That is part of it." Sang lowered his voice. "Look at him watching us."

I was about to ask who but I could see Milan watching us. I thought he would be uncomfortable watching his husband be so close to someone else, but the hypnotized look in his eyes reminded me that Milan wasn't your average human.

"As much as I detest human relations, he was the first human to not expect anything from me. He approached me on his knees willing to serve me even if I turned out to be a cold-blooded tyrant. He couldn't feel the 'aura' that you inexplicably feel from me, so he didn't have common sense or flight or fight to tell him to be cautious or run away. But I've come to love that about him."

"But that's dangerous."

"Says the person who had adrenaline kick in at being close to us and still decided to tie his near future to us. Seeing us dancing like this doesn't make Milan jealous, you know. It makes him horny."