In Aid

33. The Interview

I didn't want to think too much about the advice Rikki and Milan gave me because I knew it would lead to emotional wreckage, but it was so damn hard not to. Aubyn and I shared a bed, I played with his son, I played the good househusband, and I anxiously awaited his return from work every damn day. How could I not already be in too deep? If I was already in this, then it wouldn't matter if I just kept on running myself into the ground, right?

"You know," I started one night, leaning my head back against his shoulder. We'd made a habit out of spending time on the balcony together after Coen went to sleep and it was quickly becoming my favourite part of the day. "I've always wanted to touch your hair." When I turned around, he was already parting it into two with his fingers. "Can I?"

"No. You are not allowed to."

"Why not?"

"It is a culture thing."

Culture made up a big part of his personality. He was religious, he kept his hair long, I apparently was not allowed to touch it, and he had a tattoo that covered his entire back due to a successfully observed rite of passage. There was no way I wasn't going to learn a thing or two about his culture if I wanted to know more about him. I also wasn't stupid enough not to realize that I kept messing up in front of other people. I didn't want to keep offending others if I could avoid it.

"Why do your eyes glow?" I asked

"All purka's eyes glow," he answered.

"What's with the biting?"

"A habit. A very bad but significant one."

"Is it another purka thing?"

"Maybe."

"Can you tell me about that?" I asked. "I hear stuff about vacuras all the time, but I've never heard of purkas until you." I turned around to face him when he went silent. "What is it? Should I not ask about that?"

Aubyn shook his head. "A purka is nothing special. I am just another Downtonian. Why are you asking about that? I thought you were trying to get to know me."

"But you're a purka and I want to know about purkas. It's the same as if you were Swedish. I'd want to know what your country is like, what differences there are between my country and yours, the food, everyday life, the culture..." I cupped his cheek when he looked away from me. "Do I not get to ask about that part of you?"

"I do not know why you feel you should."

"We're different species from different planets. Is it so strange that I'd want to know what your planet is like? That is part of getting to know you. You experience my way of life every day. Unless I make it to Othanai, I'll never get to experience yours. When I think about it, I hardly know anything about you except a few of your favourite things. I just want to know more."

"You do not need to."

I wanted to scream or kick something.

"I'm okay with just about anything. I don't have super strict rules, morals, or traditions I have to uphold or follow that govern my life. But you do. You can't just say no or say I can't do something without telling me why because it drives me crazy. I couldn't see you shirtless, you looked uncomfortable talking about your tattoo, and you don't feel the need to explain why I'm not allowed to touch your hair. If it's something you just don't want me to do then say so because at least then that would count as an explanation. But you keep saying no to me. I hate hearing that as much as you do."

"These are cultural or religious things for me and others like me. You're not obligated to know or learn about things like that."

"I'm not asking you these questions only out of obligation. At first, I didn't care about stuff like that, but now I want to know. I want to know more about you, and I can't do that if you refuse to let me in completely. I want to know everything. Tell me about your culture and your traditions and practices. I told you already that I like you, dammit. And what do you mean that I'm not obligated to know? You're from an entirely different world than me. A world that I want to be a part of. How could I not want to know everything about it? Teach me. Tell me everything. Anything that involves you or is important to you I want to make important to me too."