In Aid

41. How Much Time Do We Have Left?

"Uh... yeah," I responded. I didn't know what her response would be, but this level of shock was not expected. "It's no big deal."

"No big deal? As far as I know, you've never dated."

"I've never had a serious relationship," I corrected.

"Same difference. If you are serious about this guy, you need to examine every detail. He is older, has a child, works a demanding job, lives on another planet, is not even human..."

"I know what I'm getting into," I said, picking up a keychain with a rather stylishly bedazzled letter R on it and placing it on the counter in front of a cashier who looked much too invested in our conversation. I didn't need Rikki telling me all the facts and details that I'd already gone over in my own head numerous times.

Rikki picked one with the letter Z. "Does his son know you two are a thing?"

"No, and I want to keep it that way. I want him to see me as his father's friend for now. I don't know how he'd react since Aubyn hasn't dated anyone since adopting him. I don't want to have to worry about how Coen will react right now when I still haven't gotten used to this yet. It's too soon. Not to mention he's four. He probably won't even care."

"Well, I guess that kind of makes sense. Does anyone know at all?"

"Nobody really knows anything and nobody needs to. I only brought it up to you because you asked. We're only considering dating right now because we like each other."

"What's the point of consideration when you know you like each other? If you're going to keep flirting then there's no need to be so serious about saying so."

"We're not flirting. That's the thing. I have to be serious about where we are right now because I don't know how to be a boyfriend. There's messing around with each other and flirting, and then there's being loyal to each other in a serious relationship. I need time to think about what that means and how I can't fuck it up. I want him, but I know it takes a different headspace to really be with him. I'm sure he hates being in limbo like this just as much as I do."

"Aah, I see. So you have to change to be with him. Mindset wise."

"Yes. For the better."

I wasn't planning on changing much. Aubyn started liking me before I ditched my shitty, self-destructive ways. I doubt he expected me to grow into a tree overnight instead of turning over new leaves.

"Anyway... we aren't being very discreet," I said. "I'm sure Sang and Milan will know soon enough as soon as we decide what to do with ourselves. I don't know how well this is going to work out seeing as the more I learn about him, the more incompatible we seem."

She pressed her lips together as she looked at me warily, probably so done with all the drama in my life. "Even people who seem like polar opposites can be the best of couples. If you ever met my parents, you'd know that for sure and they've been married for almost thirty years. They balance each other out. You and Aubyn just have to be on the same page when it comes to the important stuff."

"Like what kind of important stuff?"

"The kind of relationship you're looking for, values, boundaries, money, lifestyle, the kind of future you see with each other, parenting, children-"

"Haida-soh?"

That was Coen's cue to come running into the store in a cute cartoon mask and a shirt that matched his father's who was several feet behind him. As he had in the supermarket, Coen came rushing up to me and hugged my legs. He raised his arms and I picked him. He looked so happy to see me until he looked at Rikki and threw his arms around me to hide his face in my neck.