Growth and Malady

7 - Kokushibo/Muzan

Picks up shortly after chapter 5

What can be defined as a pleasant way to wake up?

After centuries of waking up the same way each evening, I'd forgotten that waking up in a less-than-desirable way could put someone in a bad state of mind. So when I was woken by the sound of violent coughing, one could imagine the mood I was in.

I sat up quickly, blinking a few times to clear my vision. When the noise on the other side of the wall didn't stop after a few seconds, I got up and walked to Muzan's room. Through the opened door I could see the former demon king laying curled up on his side, shuddering. Every few moments, another rasping cough would wrack his body.

I let out a silent exhale. I cannot believe I feel bad for this man.

"Do... do not pity me!" He hissed.

"You'd appreciate my help."

"Don't you-" he was interrupted by a cough. "Don't you dare."

"If you'd rather lay there like that for the rest of the night, I'd much rather go back to sleep."

Kibutsuji didn't respond, so I crouched down next to him. I maneuvered one hand under the arm he had pressed against the mattress, and held his other shoulder in my other as I tugged him upright into a sitting position. His eyes were narrowed into slits, dark shadows casting over his features.

"I despise this."

"I know you do." I replied, moving a hand to the center of his back to feel his lungs expand and contract. "Try taking deep breaths."

He shot me a glare.

"Or don't, and continue with your fit."

"F-fine."

I helped him through a couple breathing exercises, using my knowledge of the breathing styles to guide what I told him to do. With each exercise, he seemed to get a bit calmer and more relaxed. By the end of the third one, an hour had already flown by. I was busying myself with fixing Kibutsuji's bedding when I felt a warm pressure on my arm. Carefully turning my head, my eyes widened slightly when I saw Muzan leaning into my side, fast asleep.

The unexpected turn of events had me dumbfounded, unable to move or think. A whole minute passed, neither of us moving. The silence was amazingly unhelpful, the only noise I could hear was the the soft sound of Muzan's breathing.

Shaking myself mentally, I shifted so he was instead resting against my chest, then lowered him back onto the mattress. While that kind of romantic nonsense may fly for Douma and Akaza, Muzan-sama wouldn't appreciate it if I let him sleep on me. After pulling the covers up to his neck, I exited the room as I cursed myself for thinking of him as someone I needed to address with -sama.

Muzan's POV
Kokushibo finished the third breathing exercise off, his hand falling from my back to mess with my blanket. My eyes immediately turning to the locked window. Just like every night, the thought flashed in my mind that I could just break it and climb out, free to run away. And just like every time I remembered that, the urge to stay made me want to gouge my heart out.

The old Muzan was what I needed, the demon that didn't get distracted by infantile desires or the unexplainable need to be around a certain dark haired, tall uppermoon.

Being forced to become a human might have given me back the ability to be in the sun, but had erased my freedom, strength, and doomed me to imminent death. It was almost like it was impossible to have the two things I wanted most at the same time, immortality and immunity to the sun.

The moment I had felt the needle of the syringe prick my skin, I understood fear again. I was afraid I would die, fear striking me every time I couldn't keep myself from breaking down into a coughing fit. And as much as I hated to admit it, having Kokushibo within arms reach was comforting. The gentle touch of his hand on my back had made me feel both safe and nauseous at the same time.

It disgusted me that I felt the way I did, but a small part of myself knew there was no fixing it. I was stuck with my emotions, regardless of whether I liked it or not.

So absorbed in my mental battle, I didn't notice my slow descent into unconsciousness.

"While that kind of romantic nonsense may fly for Douma and Akaza, Muzan-sama wouldn't appreciate it if I let him sleep on me."

Kokushibo's thought ricocheted around my barely conscious brain, and I stamped out the spike of pleasure that came from knowing I fell asleep on him.

I just want to rest in peace, is that too much to ask? Can I have a normal dream tonight? Not like that one two nights ago, please.

When I woke up, I could've sworn I was out for only two seconds. However, it was light out, so I had been asleep for at least five hours.

I think I would've preferred that cursed dream over this, I grumbled silently. Now it feels like I got no sleep at all.

Memories from the night before rushed back into my head, the most prominent of them being the blue spider lily, and falling asleep on Kokushibo.

Does Rui have the flower? Or did he just think of it randomly?

Questions filled my mind.

Did he find a passage in a book about it? He thought it only bloomed during the day, which would make sense. There's always the chance he just imagined it, though.

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I wonder if Muzan is awake yet." I heard Koku think.

HELL NO. NO NICKNAMES, I scolded myself.

I reached out in my head to his thoughts.

Kokushibo?

A pause.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my head."

I can't help it. You think too loud.

"What do you want me to do, because I don't think thinking quietly is possible."

Never mind. I want to go to the library.

...

"No."

Why not?

"The demonslayers would have my head. We're stretching the rules already by going outside every evening."

None of them live here. If you stay right next to me with your sword, I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

"You forget they don't completely trust me and the others yet."

Then ask one of them for goodness sakes!

"Why do you need to go so badly, anyways?"

I had to come up with something quickly.

It's boring to stay in here. Can you blame me for wanting to find a hobby?

...

"I'll see what I can do."

I know what I'm doing, I swear.