Growth and Malady

14 - Rui

Okay I'm super sorry for not updating in a while, blame my absence on procrastination and school.

This chapter picks up shortly after the last one

TW: minor (very minor) mention of sh

My hands ran red with blood, the gore soaking into my haori from where I clutched it tightly in my fists. I didn't want to be around anyone, I was too scared. At some point, a cocoon-like mess of scarlet webs had surrounded me on all sides, enhanced by my blood demon art. It hurt me to run from my 'friends' like this, but they probably didn't want to be around a murderer like me.

Stupid Rui, stupid!

I gripped my hair harshly by the roots, tugging at it painfully.

I'm so stupid...

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes.

No, no I need to stop crying.

I wiped my sleeve over my face, yet the tears re-emerged .

S-stop-

My throat began to ache as I let a small cry escape me.

Stop.

"STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD!!"

Shouting didn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks, but it snapped me out of my hysterics. Intent on remaining calm, I sat up with my hand in my lap and took a deep breath in. As I exhaled, I eased enough tension out of my body so that I could let the webs fall.

Allowing my physical barrier of webs to collapse was the turning point, at which my mind became numb. Numb to the overwhelming emotions at least. Such a gift let me think rationally.

Since I knew Muzan would be able to hear my thoughts, I thought out loud.

"So... Kamado let it slip that I've killed hundreds. Not good, but maybe they didn't believe him?" An image of the three's shocked faces slid into my head. "No, they definitely believe him. Kinoe'll never let me near her or Hinoto again," my heart hurt at the thought, "and I have no idea what Murasakino thinks of me."

An exasperated sigh left me as I spun a pattern between my fingertips. I sat in silence until the shape of a lily appeared in the center of the web.

"My first priority is to bring Kibutsuji the blue spider lily, right?" I paused, thinking. "On one hand, I have him to thank for a working body. On the other, he inadvertently caused this mess."

'Rui, are you okay? Kokushibo is going to check in on you soon.'

I ignored his voice, too lost in thought to hear.

"Should I try to fix everything with Hinoto and the others, or should I..." I bit my nail, wincing at the sharp taste of blood. Clasping my hands together in my lap, I wondered aloud: "How much do I owe him?"

In truth, I owed Kibutsuji everything I had. If he hadn't turned me into a demon long ago, I would never have met the uppermoons, and I wouldn't have met any of the people I know now.

"Dammit," I growled. Turning my head to the partially obscured sky, half completed thoughts swam through the ocean that was my mind. "I think granting him a healthy life under the sun would get me off the hook."

"But that would put me at the unfortunate end of a hashira's blade."

"I mean, maybe he won't go crazy this time?"

"He would have what he wanted, after all. He'd have no reason to cause trouble."

"Think of it as a medicine with drawbacks."

"Shit! The drawback is the need to eat humans!"

"Whatever I do here, it's the wrong choice."

"Can't take back what's already been said, can't complete my end of the deal..."

At this point, I was ranting to myself, running in mental circles like a dog chasing it's tail. Except I was chasing an answer that was always just a bit out of reach.

"How long til I get hungry?"

"Should I just let them turn me back? I don't want that, do I?"

"I was so sure I wanted this."

"I can't turn back. No, I won't. It wouldn't fix anything that I want to fix."

I need to stop thinking.

'Rui, what do you mean? You haven't said a word in your head in the past few minutes before this. Your mind has been silent.'

Once more, I didn't respond.

"I'll just do whatever feels right."

I rose to my feet shakily, struggling to find my balance.

"This is weird..." I grumbled.

Taking a look around me, I realized how big of a mess I had made with my webs. The white threads had strung themselves from every conceivable point circling the clearing, some red ones had even gone as far as to slice through the tree trunks and branches. My gaze flicked to the drying blood on my hands and forearms, a side effect of using my blood demon art.

A curious and experimental thought flashed in the back of my head, and I walked over to the deadly webs calmly. In one fluid movement, I brought one hand down on one of the red strands quickly.

Expecting pain, I shut my eyes, but they flickered open again when none came. The thread had bent slightly at my touch, unable to cut my skin.

"At least I'm incapable of self harm, I guess." I couldn't help but be the slightest bit dissatisfied with the turnout of my little experiment. I shook my head at the self-endangering thought. "What's happening to me..."

In complete silence, I cleared a small hole in the webs in front of me, stepping through and slowly retracing my steps.

Timeskip brought to you by the spider I found in my pillowcase 🙂

I'd walked the entire way, not always following a straight line and taking many detours, so the journey back to the spider lilies had taken me at least two hours, maybe three.

So there I was, standing amongst the two remaining lilies, fiddling with the petals of one, when I smelled a familiar human presence behind me.

"Rui, what-"

I turned my head to look at Kokushibo. His eyes widened slightly, gaze flicking from my demonic features to the elusive flowers growing at my side.

"What is this?"

:) I think I know where the plot is going now~