I wake up in the middle of the night, disoriented and hungover from all the wine I had. Next to me Danny is turning in his sleep. I brush the strand of hair that fell on his face back and sigh.
All of a sudden I erupt in tears.
Fuck! I've never been this emotional before. What the hell is going on with me?
I whimper silently, careful not to wake up Danny.
With the hem of my tank top I dry off my damp cheeks but new tears keep spilling constantly.
"Louise?" Danny mumbles in his sleep.
I remain quiet, in hopes he'll turn over and fall back asleep.
"What's wrong?" He asks, even as he only manages to open one eye.
"It's nothing, go back to sleep." I answer hastily, ferociously drying off my eyes that are surely red by now.
"Is it about your sister?"
For a split second I ponder about my answer. I could say yes, but this emotional outburst is not because of her. And if I answer truthfully I'll have to deal with all the follow-up questions.
I can't do neither as a huge lump has formed in my throat. All I do is shake my head before I erupt in more crying. This time I'm not trying to be quiet, I'm sobbing uncontrollably.
"I'm okay. I'm okay." I manage to blubber in-between sobs.
"How can you say that?"
"I'm ju-" I let out a sharp breath and as sudden as my outburst came, I'm able to get myself under control again just as fast.
"With everything- everything that was going on lately I didn't have time to- time to realize and acknowledge what happened."
"What happened?" Danny mumbles in his sleepy state.
"I'll just bore you. You need to go back to sleep. You need rest."
"Will you tell me in the morning?"
"Yes!"
"Come here." He says and I crash on his chest as two arms wrap around my still shivering body.
To the sound of his heart beating I finally fall asleep.
The next morning...
I shift slightly and reach out to grab my phone. I check the time and put it back down. Danny's still asleep so I just lay there on his chest, breathing in his scent.
Minutes pass by until he moves. His breathing picks up and I know he's awake.
Still not moving, I gather up all my courage to tell him why I've been so emotional last night.
You can do it, Lou. Be honest! He's not gonna run like the others did...
"Remember how I told you I wanted to be married with kids by the age of thirty? The day of my thirtieth birthday was the saddest day of my whole life. No one knew why I was moody. Everybody said it's cause I'm getting old! I hadn't told anyone before. But on that night I did. And with each time I told the story it seemed that I came more and more to terms with it. And by the time everyone had left I genuinely didn't mind anymore. People didn't believe me. Said I'm just pretending to be over it. But I really was. I was over it! I had moved on. I had come to terms with the fact that I would never be someone's wife or mother! I had come to terms that I wasn't going to fulfill my destiny. And then you came and- I don't know if you realize this but you've given me the most valuable, the most important gift of all. Hope. Hope that I can be a wife and a mother one day. There is no amount of words that could describe how grateful I am. I will spend a lifetime in your debt. And I will do everything to make you as happy as you make me."
