Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 91-double standard

Taylor's POV

🎧Margaret - Lana del rey

We didn't make it out of bed for almost five days, every morning came by after the day before and I couldn't even tell you what day it was, only that I had lost so much and didn't feel like associating myself with the world any longer.

Refusing university altogether, I took some time to just be with Matthew. He suggested I tell my mother, and originally I snapped at him before apologising and realising that it was entirely what I needed, it gave me a reason to get up out of my pyjamas. Dress myself and my now normal body into some cargos and a top. To pull my hair into a braid and venture out into the outdoors. My mother had held me on our sofa as Matthew watched on, her hands hugging my head into her as I cried. We didn't even speak all that much instead she hugged me and fed me before Matthew collected me up and took me back home.

Matthew broke the news to his mother, she cried and I felt terrible. Like I had robbed their entire family of our happy ending. And through it all he was just there, helping me and supporting me. Making sure that I had eaten and that I woke up in the mornings. I still find myself clutching onto my now flat stomach weeks on as I wake up hazily remembering that I am no longer a pregnant fiancée.

This morning marks the official countdown to Christmas. The weather is bright and clear, all be it snowy. I sigh pulling on a slim fitted black leotard which fits off of my shoulders exposing my neck. Matthew swoops in and kisses down my neck making me giggle as he grasps onto my hips before I pull a skirt on over my tights and leg warmers.

We've only just returned to university after our extended time off, we told the others that I suffered a bereavement in my family. Jay Gilbert Scott visited us the second week of my disappearance from life. He turned up with a bottle of Italian red wine, a bunch of Lilly's and a card that was signed in his scrawl. Although he did not truly know the extent of mine and Matthew's loss, his gesture and the forethought that he put into it made me feel seen. It made me feel validated for feeling like life had ended.

I held him in my doorway and I can imagine he was taken aback by the way I clutched onto him crying. He gave me an excuse to cook again, I welcomed the opportunity to place a roast chicken in the oven and all of the trimmings. His presence allowed Matthew to talk about something other than the babies and me, he laughed again for the first time at Jays stories and I sat watching them both, the way they both sipped brandy and got along so well.

"Oh I forgot study plans tonight" I tell Matthew as we pull up at university. Myself and Ross are planning a session at Jays we have finals soon and we wanted to group together to share knowledge.

"Got it" he smiles.

"I'm setting up my exhibit later" he smiles pulling his leather jacket around him and smiling. Matthew has an art exhibit which he has been working on for months. It's all top secret and I can't wait to walk around in a dress looking at his work, sipping champagne.

"Oh good luck, I love you" I tell him.

"I love you too" he whispers before we leave the car and head off to get on with our day.

Arriving at the dance department I see Jay from afar in the gym as I stride into the main hall, he's concentrating on lifting something heavy and I sigh at how my mind and heart can no longer label him as a monster. Realising that we're staging the performances today. I gaze over at the many racks lining the sides of the performance hall. All constaining garments and stage props, I glance over my own personal rack and take in the red burlesque number. A deep maroon with heavy beading and sequins. It is seductive, I only hope I will be pinned into it.