Not Enough (taekook)

4.

Jeongguk was sitting in front of his computer, setting his things up on it. Yesterday still felt like a dream to him. Taehyung stayed over for like 2 hours, but for Jeongguk it was still too little. The contentment and peace he felt while the brunette was in his presence is indescribable. He felt so calm and relaxed, like he had no problems at all. Like he had all the time in the world with the younger.

He sighed. Although he enjoyed the time with Taehyung very much, he couldn't help but feel bad. Seeing the boy after so many years, talking to him, laughing with him, touching him. The raven was feeling awful, he felt like a disgusting person which to be honest he was. And he was aware.

The reason for his misery was actually the fact that he took advantage of Taehyung's naiveness and kindness. He took advantage of Taehyung not knowing anything about him. He knew that he didn't have any other choice, still he was guilty.

And let's not talk about the deep regret that was present in him for the things he did years ago. They were eating him alive, the cries of his angel were still ringing in his ears. He had nightmares every night of his actions. Yesterday, when he saw Taehyung standing in front of him he just wanted to cradle the little one in his arms, and beg for forgiveness.

But he knew better. No matter how horrible he felt, he knew that the only way he could get Taehyung back was to lie to him and manipulate him. He needed the younger, that boy was keeping him on the surface, he was the reason Jeongguk has a will to live. And the raven made a promise to himself, that he won't ever give up on him. Even if the younger doesn't want him, even if he wants to leave, he won't have a choice.

These words may sound wrong, but Jeongguk managed to comfort himself, saying that he will treat Taehyung like a king, he will carry him on his palms, he will make him the happiest person on Earth. That erases the toxic part, right? Taehyung won't even recognise Jeongguk's issues and toxicity, because of how good he will be treated. Yeah. The raven had a very well detailed plan to make the boy his again. This time more... gently.

His anger issues, jealousy and possessiveness hadn't gotten better though, and he feared that he won't be able to control himself. Yesterday too, when Taehyung brought up his colleagues and started talking about a certain "Jackson" so enthusiastically Jeongguk had to push his nails into his palms to keep himself calm. He almost yelled at Taehyung, but he contained his inner beast. He can't do that again. He doesn't want the younger to fear or hate him. But what can he do? He is fucked up mentally.

He heard his phone ring. Yoongi was calling him.

"Be quick", said Jeongguk while typing on his computer. He heard the other chuckle sarcastically.

"I'm doing really good, thank you for asking. How are you, my dearest friend whom I respect soo much?", typical Yoongi, the raven thought. Never gets to the point, just to annoy him.

"Yoongi, I'm serious, I don't have time right now"

"Namjoon called. Yugyeom got the stuff you asked for."

Jeongguk smirked. He knew Yugyeom would succeed. His plan was going smoothly, just like he expected.

"Good. Tell him to rest. He deserves it."

"How generous of you. Anyways I gotta go. Take care Gguk.", and so he hung up.

The said male averted his gaze to the window. Now that Yugyeom got the stuff, he can stop stressing. He will need to destroy it, to burn it so it can never be used against him.

He quickly shook off these thoughts. No amount of anxiety can change the future and no amount of regret can change the past.

Taehyung .

His beautiful flower.

He was thinking about visiting him today at the café. But he was hesitating. Wouldn't it be too soon? Taehyung have only known him for a day. Wouldn't he find it wierd? Or creepy?

He didn't know much about human relationships. He didn't know how to express his love and adoration for the little brunette. He only knew violence. Agressiveness. Harshness. How will he change? He doesn't have an example to follow. He doesn't know what to do. Yesterday it took him all his willpower to not scream at the boy for leaving him. He didn't want to do that. But that faint voice in his head told him otherwise. It always told him otherwise.

He was aware that the moment Taehyung will be his again, his issues will double up. His insecurity, anger issues, jealousy and possessiveness will be much worse.

But he knew how to disguise them. Taehyung won't be aware of them. He won't know. He will just think that Jeongguk is overprotective. Yeah. The raven would make sure.

No matter what Taehyungie. You belong to me.