When Grey Met Colors - Cordelia Goode

☆ Part 16 〜 The visit ☆

Getting up, I ask Cordelia to leave my room without daring to give her a look, holding my stomach in need to be alone. Cordelia does what I ask without saying anything nor trying to get my attention and at the same moment she leaves my sight, I see Zoe enter inside my bedroom and walking over to me.

"Kory, someone named Esther is down-" Noticing in what state I'm in, Zoe stops and looks at me with a concerned gaze before she lightly shakes her head. "Are you okay, you're all soaked!" My friend looks around me only the see the bathtub filled with water and the multiple candles displayed around it.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'm fine." I try to sound convincing and it must've worked because Zoe's eyes meet mine almost immediately after I said that and she doesn't ask more questions. "What did you say about Esther?"

"Right, she's downstairs waiting for you... But I can tell her to wait 'til you get changed?" Zoe asks looking me up and down.

"That'd be appreciated, thanks! I won't be long." Zoe gives me one last smile before she leaves me alone, closing my bedroom door on her way out.

When it's just me with my thoughts, I release the breath I was holding before tightening my grip around my stomach, regretting what I did.

I should've known it would've turned out bad... I never should've tried to go back in time! Now, Cordelia's worried that I might be suicidal and she's clearly upset that I didn't open up to her... I feel so bad. Why do I always end up disappointing the people that I love?

Lost in my thoughts, I forgot that Esther is waiting for me. I finally realize that I have to freshen up a bit before going downstairs and pretending like I'm as happy as I have ever been to my mom.

Before I leave the bathroom, I empty the bathtub and blow out the candles as well as slipping out of my wet clothes, placing them neatly on the rim of the bath to dry them. I then pick some random clothes from my drawer and I put them on before pulling my hair up into a ponytail.

Even if right now, I simply want to sit in a corner on of my room and hug my knees until I feel better, I don't do that, trying to compose myself before I have to go downstairs. You're going to be okay, for now, you only have to spend quality time with your mom. You'll deal with the rest after... I think, my hand on the door handle ready to leave my bedroom.

Walking down the stairs, I hear two female voices talking in the lobby and when I'm finally on the first floor, I see that Esther is talking with Zoe. Arboring my biggest smile, I walk up to my mother and when she sees me, she immediately stops talking and I see her eyes illuminate.

My friend puts her hand gently on my arm before she tells me she's gonna leave us alone. I thank her kindly before I put my attention back on Esther.

"Hello little frog!" Esther says before she wraps her arms around my shoulders, holding me tight.

"Wow, you haven't called me like that in a really long time!" I give my mom her hug back, holding her solidly not ready to let go. She probably thinks that it's just a normal hug, like we usually do, but right now, I need someone to hold me. But of course, I'm not gonna tell her that. "So, are you ready to have a tour of the Academy?"

"Yes, I've been looking forward to discovering your new home." After Esther says that, I take her hand excited to show her around.

I start by the living room, then I follow by the kitchen and the dining room. In every of the rooms, Esther takes the time to analyze everything, taking interest in my life and I have to admit, it makes me feel sad. Not because she does that, but because it's one of the first times in my life I've felt like I mattered and that someone is actually interested in me. It's a new feeling that I just started to experiment here actually, at the Academy.

When I'm done with the first floor, I guide my mom upstairs to show her my bedroom. There, she really walks around and observe everything. And when I say everything, it's everything! She opens my drawers, looks at my books in my small bookcase and she even lies down on my bed to see if it's comfortable. She's just lying there, in a star looking way, humming and nodding her head.

"Yep, I confirm, this place is perfect. I'm happy you found it, I couldn't have dreamed of a better place for you to live in." Walking over to my bed, I huff amused and I sit next to my mom who sits up.

"Yeah, it's not me who found this place, it's kinda the opposite, ironically..." Remembering the night Cordelia found me, I look down, my smile fading a bit. I quickly shake it away by looking up at Esther and putting a fake smile on my face. "It's Cordelia Goode, the headmistress who found me. I don't know how, but she just knew I was made for this place..."

"She sounds like a good person." My smile grows bigger as I think of my girlfriend, but then it vanishes quickly as I remember our last altercation.

"What is it, Kory?" Esther asks putting her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it softly. I continue to look at her in the eyes, digging my nail in my finger.

"Nothing." I try to reassure my mom by smiling and wiggling my hand as to say 'Don't worry!' "Is there anything you would like to do?"

"My only wish is to spend time with you, honey." I chuckle and get up, showing Esther to do the same and as we get out of my bedroom, we come face to face with Cordelia who was exiting her bedroom. Seeing her, I freeze, not knowing how to react, what to say, what to do... And my mother's there for Christ sake, assisting to my 'panic' moment.

"Oh, Kory, I didn't know you had company." Cordelia says with her usual calm voice and sweet smile, but I know it's only a façade. I fake-smile back at her, never breaking the eye contact.

"Yes! Miss Cordelia, this is Esther. Esther, Cordelia." Ishhh, calling her Miss Cordelia didn't feel right for me and neither did for her as her face cracked for a slip second.

"So you are the famous Esther! I've heard a lot about you." Cordelia's back at faking her content state and so am I as I continue to fake my smile, feeling my face crack slowly. No, do not break down. Immediately after I think that, Cordelia looks down at me, worry in the eyes, but I keep smiling.

"Only good things I hope!" Hearing my mother's voice, Cordelia looks back at her, her mask back on her face again.

"Of course!"

"So, she's the Cordelia you were telling me about, Kory?" Esther asks turning her head to look at me.

"Yes, that's her!" Esther turns back to face Cordelia and she reaches out, taking her hand to shake it, a warm smile on her face.

"Well it's nice to meet you Cordelia! I would also like to thank you for taking such good care of Kory, she really loves it here." I look down embarrassed at what my mom just said. Me who thought she wouldn't be that type of mother...

"And we love having her here! She's really a good girl." Immediately after Cordelia said that, I feel my cheeks burn from how embarrassed I actually feel. That's too much talking about me, please stop! Another look from Cordelia. "Well, I'll leave you two to what you were doing. Bye Esther, it was lovely meeting you. Kory, see you later, alright sweetheart?"

I nod before I guide my mom downstairs to the living room. There, we play some board games until it's time for Esther to leave. I didn't evoke the subject of her visiting Leann and I'm happy that neither did she. I don't think I could have handled another enraging situation right now. First with me disappointing Cordelia...

After my mom leaves, I put the games away quickly before I hurry to my bedroom, feeling my grey sight threatening to crawl back up. I put that away, closing my door and locking it.

All my dark thoughts from after the incident, I had put them away for the day, but now, they are back and they are bigger then ever, eating myself from the inside. I don't like the way I feel, helpless and exhausted. I just want to sleep for a whole week straight.. and to never wake up...