Widows bite N.R

Chapter 30: I've Screwed Up

You stand there alone on the tarmac, you always seem to end up like this; not knowing what to do. Do you go after her? Explain everything? Apologise? Beg on your hands and knees?

What is there to do in this situation? You take a moment to collect yourself deciding to talk to Trev first, it's not often you see him this angry. You enter the lobby to see the man you call your best friend pushing himself on a desk chair back and forth staring at his hands, when he looks up at you you're met with the same disappointed stare.

"Are you going to say anything or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me" he asks, you're trying to form words but nothing you want to say sounds right. He sees your inaction as an invitation to leave, standing up and heading for the back door.

"Wait" you yell out. He turns to look at you not saying a thing just waiting to hear what you may say.

"I didn't mean anything I said to her, I was just angry and I acted out and I know that's not an excuse" you say pausing before saying "She means so much to me, and I'm really glad she had you when I was gone. I'm going to make it right, because she's the only one I see myself with, the one person that kept me sane throughout the torture. It didn't matter how angry I was at her, as soon as I was pushed back into my cell, she was the first thing on my mind. Her voice, her gentle words, all I had to do was imagine her being there with me and I knew I could get through it." you rant not noticing the softening of his face as you continue

"I've screwed up, and I know I shouldn't of said the things I said but that doesn't matter now, all that matters is that she knows how much she means to me. She's it for me, I need her to know that, even if she never forgives me." You finish tear forming in my eyes, you knew you felt this way but finally verbalising it makes it all feel so real. "I love her, I need her in my life I just hope she lets me" I mutter

"Well you can't tell her if you're here can you" Trevor jokes softly. "I know we were friends first but I feel the need to tell you, if you hurt her again I swear to god y/n." he tells you sternly, to which you nodded quickly so he knew you knew. You've never been scared of trev but that made you nervous.

"Well go on" he says ushering you out the door. Chuckling you get in the car, you can't imagine her going anywhere else so you head to the tower and if she's not there you'll get Friday to track her car or something. You know that's probably morally wrong or something, but you don't care, you needed to see her.

You pull up at the tower running words through your head, you have no idea what you'll say but you get into the elevator anyway. "JARVIS, where is Natasha?" you ask to seemingly no one

"Miss Romanoff is on the roof, is that all Miss Y/l/n?" the AI asks.

"Yes, Thankyou JARVIS" You mutter tapping your foot as you watch the floors go up. "Not a problem Miss Y/l/n" you can't help but chuckle at the robots formality as the elevator dings and the door slowly open. This is it.

Nat hears the ding and turns momentarily before returning to her previous position "I don't want to talk y/n" she says as you approach.

"Well, you don't have to." You say taking a seat beside her, she keeps her steady glare focus on the horizon as you take in the features of her side profile. You have no idea how some one could be so beautiful. Even in this light you can still see her red rimmed eyes, the only indicator on her stoic face of the breakdown she'd had earlier only making you feel so much guiltier.

"I am so sorry my love." You mutter quietly looking out into the sky, knowing she can still hear it. "I was so unjustifiably angry; I don't know what came over me but I need you to know that I didn't mean a word of it" you turn to face her although she remain facing away you know she listening. "I was in so much pain, and I don't know I guess I wanted you to feel a fraction of what I had felt in that place. I didn't take time to think about the toll it had taken on you." You breath out, this is make or break for your relationship

"I love you so much, I hate seeing you in pain especially at my hands." You say silently pleading for her to look at you. "I am so sorry" you mutter, as she has this entire time she sits in her place eyes un-moving. "Please can you just look at me Tasha" You beg, she takes a moment seemingly weighing up her options before slowly turning to face you, before turning her attention to her hands. You take them in your own and she brings her focus back up to you "I love you, and I need you to know that I can't imagine myself with anyone other that you. You are the one that I can see myself waking up to every morning, the one I want to take care of every day for the rest of our lives. I know that we can't immediately go back to how we were but whatever happens I want to be in your life, in whatever way you'll have me." you say and her eyes fall back to our hands but immediately spring back up when I say "мне так жаль, моя любовь" and you mean it.

You can see her eyes glaze over momentarily before she moves in, taking her lips in yours pouring every ounce of emotion out. You don't realise you're both crying until you taste the salty tears from your eyes on your tongue, you break apart chuckling slightly in relief.

"you're right things aren't going to go back to the way they were" she says and you face falls, before she notices and quickly adds "immediately" and your lips quirk slightly. "I love you too" she says quietly giving your hand a squeeze

Annnnndddd I'm back. Happy Sunday and new year everyone, let's make it a good one. This book is soon coming to an end, partly because I've lost motivation and partly because I've got ideas for other stuff, but I want to say thankyou for the support you've been great. As always leave your thoughts ideas and all the rest.

Wordcount: 1103

Later, <3