Fool me once, On the battle front | An OC in the MCYT world

Inbetween truth (9)

TWs!
Self Harm, Panic Attack
(Basically this is what I went through when I started having mental problems)

That was just the WORST stream I'd had yet.

The charity stream was around half an hour ago, and I was still struggling to keep back the tears.

Clearly I had Twitch fans on Twitter and/or YouTube, and seeing how their words had hurt me, they kept playing with my emotions, until I just couldn't take it anymore, and turned off chat, and donos, excluding ones for the charity.

Scarlett could tell something was up. She asked what was wrong, but I wouldn't, I just couldn't answer. No matter how they asked, I wouldn't reply.

Maisie and Lily could also sense something was wrong, but didn't ask as much after they checked my stream, seeing that chat was emote only.

I took a small 15 minute break between the two halfs, giving chat a second chance. Sadly, this was the stupidest idea I've ever had.

Xisuma had come into my chat after his stream, after raiding Impulse, but he didn't type anything.

The chat didn't know he was there.

I didn't find out he was watching until after the stream, when he messaged me on Discord afterwards, checking if I was alright.

When I turned the chat back on, for the first few minutes, everything was fine, we were chatting about the game, and I was chill. It was around this point that Xisuma joined, obviously I didn't know though.

It only took a few minutes for the chat to grow harsh again, spamming messages about my weight, height, and worst, spamming death and r@pe threats. I nearly broke down crying, in anger, and hurt, right there and then.

I was absolutely terrified, but who wouldn't be?

Without any warning, and by complete accident, I ended stream, but got back to playing the game, leaving myself without a chat to deal with. I just couldn't manage playing with a chat THIS bad, and worst, while raising money for CHARITY of all things. They didn't deserve to see me suffer.

And I don't think I even deserved it either.

Ten minutes later, Grian, Jimmy and Joel noticed I wasn't live, when all my viewers came into Jimmy and Joel's chats, and began spamming about how I had ended stream, some with angry messages, that commented badly about me, and others with questions.

I was put on the spot when the group asked why, and I desperately tried not to cry, and though not making a sound, I felt the tears start to roll down. I whispered a reply back.

"S-Sorry guys, I'm going- I-I just don't-"

"Taylor, breathe with me."

"Taylor, what's happened?"

"Are you okay Taylor?"

My ears started to ring, and I took my headphones off, and just broke down crying, mic muted, but not deafened on discord.

I heard Grian's quiet voice through my headphones, and put them back on to listen to him.