Addicting Love

| F O R T Y - S E V E N |

Fred's POV:

I wish I could take all of Bee's pain and just put it on me.

Every. Single. Fucking. Thing.

Every bad thought. Every bad action.

I wish when she hurt hurt herself, that pain would go to me and she would feel nothing.

I will wish that till the day I die.

I wish that after I die so she won't feel the pain of me gone.

Because it's me before her.

She's not leaving before me.

Especially at 27.

I ran my finger tips up Bee's spine, leaving a trail of bubbles behind. 

She refuses to have a bath without bubbles.

I slid my hand up to the back of her neck and gently grabbed ahold of her, stroking my thumb against her skin. She hummed and rolled her head to the side, exposing that side of her neck.

She was sat on my lap, leaning forward against my chest with both arms wrapped around my neck loosely. Her eyes were closed but I knew she wasn't asleep. She likes to pretend to sleep to see if I'll do or say anything.

She thinks she's so good at hiding her actually being awake, but she's not. If I whisper something, her cheeks flush red.

It's the cutest sight.

I kissed her temple, bringing my other hand down to her ass, giving it a little squeeze. She smiled against my chest and wiggled her hips. I grunted at the feeling of her on my cock.

Unspoken rule that she sits on my cock when we're in the bath.

I don't think it's that bad of a rule.

"Freddie." Bee whispered ever so lightly.

"Bee." I whispered back, matching her tone.

"You know that I don't want to die, right? You know that I don't want to kill my self? Because I don't. I want to be here. I want to stay. With you. I want to be with you."

I let out a little breath of air as I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her still against my chest.

"There was this time when, if I was mad, or scared, I would just talk. To you. I'd unload everything on you, but I never made me feel any better because then you had to carry that weight and you shouldn't have to." She whispered softly. One arm dropped from my shoulder and her hand found it's way to my abs.

"Now I just want to hurt myself." She mumbled.

Her fingers moved over my abs as she stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. I let her think.

"Sometimes I think about if we weren't together." She finally said. "Would you be happier that you didn't have to go through this shit with me? You could have a big family. You could have a wife who did things on her own. Who didn't need to be supervised all the time so she wouldn't hurt herself. You wouldn't have to stay up all night just to make sure she didn't go and hurt herself. I can't do that though. I feel like I'm not safe. To you. To our child. You don't deserve this. You're the most perfect man ever. I feel like I'm robbing you of a life."

"Bee," I whispered and tilted her head back to look at me. "I wouldn't want my life any other fucking way." Of course I would change her hurting. "I love my life with you. So much. I love that I kept to sleep with you every night. And that I get to feel your lips. I love our family. I don't want a big family. I want my family. You and Emery. And the fucking dog I guess." She smiled a little. "I know it's hard for you to understand that. But I love you so much and thinking about leaving you never, ever, crosses my mind. I want you. I want all of you."