Addicting Love

| F I F T Y - O N E |

Brooklyn's POV:

"Freddie." I said loudly as I crawled onto the bed. "Fred please wake up. Freddie I need you." I shook him a little. "Fred please." I whimpered.

"What's wrong love?" He asked, he woke up the second I said his name the first time, but I didn't register when his arms went around me, I just kept panicking.

"I'm gonna- I want to- I'm sorry I just can't- Fred." I whimpered and pushed my head to his shoulder.

"It's okay love. Take your time." He said as he sat up, pulling me to straddle him. He rubbed his hand against my back and I looked up at him.

"I wanna... cut." I whispered.

"Can you tell me why?" He spoke calmly, letting me know he wasn't mad and I shouldn't be worried to talk to him. Not that he would ever do anything, but I overthink and it takes a deep turn.

"I had a bad dream. About Ryan." I let out a small whimper.

"That's the fifth one this week." He mumbled, more to himself.

"This one wasn't real. It was a dream that he- he raped me now." I rolled my head a little, pushing it back to his chest. "It just makes me feel so bad about myself. And now, when even one small thing happens, I just want to-" I caught my breath, "please distract me."

His eyes scanned across the room, trying to find something quickly.

Freddie rarely distracts me with sex. Sometimes he rubs me but he likes to do something that will calm my mind. I like tracing, and when he reads to me.

Something must've struck Fred because he gently moved me off his lap and walked over to the closet, reaching to the top shelf and grabbed a pencil case that was full of highlighters and markers.

He came back over to me, kissed my cheek, then laid down on his stomach. "Draw, love." He said.

I smiled.

His back is my canvas.

I quickly reached over and turned on the lamp beside the bed, then sat down on his lower back and grabbed a purple maker.

My tongue poked against my cheek as I ran the ink along his skin, over every muscle and divot. Once I was finished with the purple, I grabbed a lighter shade of it and drew it around the purple lines I put on his back.

He laid there quiet, but I knew he wasn't asleep. Freddie never sleeps the rest of the night when I wake him up like this. Saying I want to hurt myself. He watched me to make sure I don't get up during another part of the night. I always feel so bad about it, but a part of me wonders if he did fall asleep, would I hurt myself?

I grabbed a light blue marker and began to curve the line on his back, blending it in with the purples.

Freddie reached a hand behind it, grabbing onto my thigh and stroking his thumb against my skin in circles.

I switched to different shades of blue three more times then got a dark shade of purple and kept on drawing.

I paused from drawing on his back when I grabbed a light pink.

I brought the marker down to his hand and drew a heart over it with a little smile, then went back to his back.

"What are you drawing love?" He asked, his voice all sleepy and rumbly.

"A sunset." I whispered.

You know that one art with all the line making a blue sunset over a town? That's like what I'm doing, blending the colours together. It's very pretty in my opinion.